Day 125

Something learned:

There are people I often wish I was more like, but the truth is, I only wish that I had particular aspects of them. These people I admire usually excel in a particular trait, but they are by no means perfect people. Nobody has it all. I think it's really hard to remember that sometimes. But when I do, I recall my own strengths, and feel a lot better about who I am, even though I can't sing like Idina Menzel, or am not a domestic goddess like Gweneth Paltrow, and have not created a billion (or even million) dollar business.

I still am happy with myself.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not lose sight of the big picture when dwelling on the details. I sometimes spend way too much time to save a few bucks, when my time is worth a lot more. I'm not in the habit of doing the cost benefit analysis on my time expenditure, but I really should, given how busy I am!

Today I was thankful for:

1. Scott gave me a delicious mango from his haul
2. Free massage for my work anniversary
3. My new Kindle arrived, and I'm loving using it
4. Got all the dishes done in the kitchen
5. Had the house to myself after the kid went to bed. It was so silent I could hear the clocks tick!

Looking forward to:

I think we're gonna go camping this summer in Yosemite!

Day 124

Something learned:

The right thing to do, would be to choose to do the right thing, even when not made to.

Where I grew up, every home has a fence around it. Not just a pretty picket fence, but a tall chain link fence, or a iron spike fence, or a tall brick wall with broken glass embedded in the top. Where I now live, no such fences exist, but people stay off other people's property, and they do not take what is not theirs. Back home, if it wasn't nailed down or locked up, it was fair game. Here, one just doesn't take what isn't theirs.

I had a long debate about this before I was finally convinced that people here just know to not take what was not theirs. Just one in a long example of my long education in learning to be the best version of myself.

Something I would like to get better at:

Getting rid of stuff. I hoard things. I work hard at getting rid of things, but it is still a struggle to keep things at the level of normal folks. Thrift is something that's been deeply ingrained into me, and it's hard to let go of things that could still be useful. I'm reluctant to throw away things that are still usable, albeit not of use to me. I think I've had problems with this since I was a teenager.

I'm getting better, though my husband doubts it. I just hope I can continue to improve.

Today  I was thankful for:

1. Playing Uno for the first time in decades, with the husband and kid.
2. Learning about gibbons at the conversation center
3. Picking lots of yummy fruits and vegetables at Underwood Farms
4. A relaxing evening at home catching up on TV and laundry
5. Getting a table at Furaibo when Flores turned out to be full on a Sunday at 5:30pm!

Looking forward to:

Visiting Disneyland this spring with the current discounts for local folks.

Day 123

Something learned:

I don't wear makeup on a regular basis, because this is who I am. I saw firsthand growing up how my mother hated anyone seeing her without her makeup on. If you consider the made up face as your baseline, the "perfect" version as who you should be, I guess it's natural that your true face becomes something to be concealed and unmentionable.

I am aging, I'm not perfect, but I'm good with who I am and what I'm becoming. I can only hope I can help my own daughter find her own confidence in her self image.

Something I want to get better at:

Talking to strangers. I am too shy to ask permission to photograph people in costume. I don't give compliments to strangers who deserve them. I am especially scared when I know there's likely to be a language or accent barrier.

I get over it enough to function normally, but I know there's a whole other level I can take my communication to to stop missing out on connecting with those around me.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A chance to chat with Myles when we ran into each other.
2. A fun morning auditioning for The Chase gameshow, even if I wasn't called back.
3. Afternoon of solitude when husband took kid to run his errands. I got a lot of cleaning done.
4. A fantastic "fireside chat" and performance by Adam Pascal
5. Kiddo behaving reasonably well during said show, and giving giant goofy grins when she recognized his songs.

Looking forward to:

Fun family plans on Sunday.

Day 122

Something learned:

I don't talk about my employer often, but I've spent more than half my career there for good reason. I value them for many reasons, but when it comes down to it, the most important thing about that place is that everyone believes in doing the right thing. It's in the culture of the company to consider what the right thing is, and to constantly strive towards that, and to challenge and push those around us to do the same. I think that's at the heart of everything we do -- why they provide the benefits and perks they do, why they ask the things they do of us, and why there's trust.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Keeping in shape. I value keeping my mind in shape over keeping my body in shape. I'd love to do both, but after work and mothering each day.. that's about it... sigh.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Wrapping up my interview in time to pick up my kid from camp
2. Getting in just enough fixes to make the top prize level for the quarterly fix-it
3. A Skype video call between my parents and my kid so she could see her grandparents
4. Empty todo list. Some time all to myself. Bliss!
5. Deciding to buy a Kindle

Looking forward to:

Adam Pascal in concert tomorrow with the kid!

Day 121

Something learned:

Avoiding something or pretending it doesn't exist is the coward's way out. However, since I don't like confrontation, usually the choice I am left with is internal resolution -- to come to terms or let go of something. I feel like dealing right away with the things that are bothering you is the easiest way to get on with things.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Being less busy. I keep thinking just because I have nothing scheduled at a certain point, I can do something. I am terribly bad at giving myself down time and resting my brain. I feel like I've been overachieving and been on the go for... way too long.

Today I was thankful for

1. Getting tickets to watch Adam Pascal this weekend (at 50% off!)
2. Eating an entire chocolate bar in one evening. It's that kinda day.
3. Getting a paper cut, and the kid bringing me a bandaid
4. Husband making dinner because I just couldn't face it anymore
5. Clearing my todo list

Looking forward to:

Someday I want to go to the Galapagos.

Day 121

Something learned:

Dramatics are not a display of passion, they're attention seeking. An unhealthy way of seeking attention. If you're not able to get what you want without dramatics, there is a larger problem there.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Patience. The kid uses a lot of mine. Today a lot of factors converged to make it a very low-patience day. The kid is awfully understanding though. She says I'm being cranky, the same way she is when she's tired or hungry.

Today I was thankful for

1. Husband taking kid to camp in the morning so I could get to work early again
2. Hearing Adam Pascal pop up on the radio, and look him up, to find out that he's performing in town this weekend!
3. Joe P agreeing to play ukelele for our performance next week
4. Finally hooking enough electronics together to watch my blu-ray after my husband literally disconnected every one of our 3 blu-ray devices from our TV setup.
5. Husband came back from his electronics store run with stuff for him... and a chocolate bar for me.

Looking forward to:

Someday hearing Idina Menzel sing live.

Day 120

Something learned:

Respect people. Ask people their names, especially the people who provide you with services. Learn their names. Appreciate them. See the value in people. Life will be the richer for it.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I wish I knew how to be more persuasive.

When trying to convince others of something, I tend to get ignored, or met with skepticism. Mostly, I've given up trying to share information, except passively, like through a blog.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband taking the kid to camp so I could go straight to work
2. Kid playing with Lego quietly on my office floor for an hour after camp
3. Chocolate chip cookies
4. Tax return done. Don't have to pay more for the first time in years. Don't know whether to be happy or sad.
5. Husband taking a volunteer shift for the kid's school fair since I'm puzzling on that day.

Looking forward to:

I want to someday visit Africa on safari.

Day 119

Something learned:

Realationship games and tests are not good things. This seems so obvious with the hindsight of 2 decades, but when I was younger, it seemed to make sense to say to myself something like "if he really loved me, he'd do XYZ". I had an addled notion that love either conferred ESP on people or only occurred between people whose brains were perfectly matched.

Open, honest communication works much better to build a good relationship.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Being more meticulous about my work. I'm meticulous about solving puzzles but when it comes to building something, I seem ready to stop once it starts working. I don't know how to train my brain to be more thorough about a project.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The kid's dental appointment going smoothly
2. Ukelele music. It always calms me down and makes me think of warm Hawaiian breezes.
3. Kid really enjoying her acting camp despite saying she didn't want to go
4. Husband setting up our new Tivo
5. Cake. I forgot about it for days and it was waiting for me in the fridge, and still yummy

Looking forward to:

Our chorus singing at a memorial for one of our members who passed away. I'd rather remember him with song than with pain.

Day 118

Something learned:

I was guilty of passive aggressiveness when I was younger, but I now consider it a huge waste of time. I have no more patience for passive aggressive behavior. Time is in short supply I value directness. If someone is seeking change, or wants me to do something, they need to tell me or else, risk being ignored. Honestly, if you want something, wouldn't it be so much simpler to just ask for it?

If it is worth less because you have to ask, then maybe you shouldn't be seeking it in the first place.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Memory. Have I mentioned memory before? (You see what I did there?)

I can do pretty decently when I concentrate, but otherwise, it's like a sieve. I practice with Lumosity, but again, it's only effective when I'm working really hard. I lose the threads of conversation, I lose things, I forget promises that I don't write down...

On the other hand, I don't have to remember the bad stuff :)

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hanging out with another programmer mom, good drink and good conversation.
2. Yummy lunch at ROC with family (even running into the Kangs there)
3. Fun afternoon playing Tombstone Hold'em and meeting new people
4. Husband running errands and taking the kid to get caterpillars
5. Delicious dinner at Benihana

Looking forward to:

Spring weather. Skirts. Sunshine.

Day 117

Something learned:

"Smart" is not a very useful descriptor. When I did got good grades as a kid, I was always called "smart". I knew though, that my grades depended much more on how well I had processed the material, or how much preparation I had done, and so much less on innate ability. I eventually stopped caring if people thought I was "smart".

Similarly, I don't care when people call my kid "smart". I know her success will be much more determined by her grit, preparedness, and a healthy dose of luck.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I wish empathy came more naturally to me. When I hear someone telling a story, my first reaction too often is "me too!" But I wish I was more naturally able to just listen and empathize.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband taking the kid to swim class so I could wake up slowly at home
2. Husband taking the kid to the aquarium for Diver's Day so I could play a Real Escape game
3. Coming SUPER close to escaping in the Haunted Ship game I played yesterday.
4. Great dinner with relatives
5. Early bedtime. I was tired!

Looking forward to:

Tombstone Hold'em tomorrow.

Day 116

Something learned:

Teach by example.

When I pick up my kid in the afternoon, I ask her how her day went. Recently, she started asking me the same question too. While I find it adorable and nice to be asked, it also reminds me that everything I do has the potential to be emulated by my child and the easiest way to teach her the right way to live is to live it myself.

"Do as I say, not as I do" will not fly in this household.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Thinking on the fly. I'm a super slow thinker. I don't like thinking on the spot. I can't negotiate. I can't speak off the cuff. I can't go off script. I can't debate. I hate interviewing. Giving feedback is really hard.

I muse. I mull. I think over things in private for days. It's seriously quite the handicap.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting tickets for Gallifrey One in 2015 in the 75 minutes before they sold out.
2. Fun chorus practice -- one of our members is arranging a really geeky song for SATB. So awesome.
3. Kid not forgetting her violin for spring break
4. Kid doing well at the test for her purple belt.
5. Picking up nutella cookies at the local italian restaurant and the guy gives us a discount :)

Looking forward to:

Real Escape game tomorrow!

Day 115

Something learned:

People feel what they feel. You can't tell someone they're not feeling something when you can't get into their head and know for yourself. At any rate, it's how their rational mind handles the emotion that's more important.

For my child, I validate her,  then teach her appropriate handling techniques. For my husband or other loved ones, I listen to understand them. 

Something I'd like to get better at:

Making friends.

For my kid's sake I'm trying to cultivate friendships with the other parents. They all seem to be good buddies already. I may be too late. I wish I knew who the other introverts are and then I can just band up with them.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Having the opportunity to have breakfast with the kid at her school
2. Really good salmon for lunch at work
3. Fixing a bug in public code. A bug that was reported 14 months ago!
4. The kid snapping out of her mystery sulk at the beginning of TKD class
5. Kid loving her new kid-sized pitchers, she can pour her own milk now! (And by extension, feed herself breakfast)

Looking forward to:

Kid's second TKD belt test tomorrow

Day 114

Something learned:

You can't please everyone. You can't even try. Especially on the internet. Just stay away from comment threads. Life is too short for internet comment threads.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Being less judgmental. It affects my ability to be as gracious as I should be. Is it just a matter of training myself to stop?

Today I was thankful for:

1. Receiving the DVD from the Tesla Run last year. There's actually a picture of us in the slideshow!
2. Kid liking the Sticker Sudoku book I got her
3. Receiving International Happy Day greetings from my brother
4. Conversing with the kid in the car about our respective days. I love it when she asks me "How was your day, mom?"
5. Getting an new email from a college friend I recently reconnected with.
6. Hubby wrangling with the cable customer service to successfully get our new channels working.

Looking forward to:

Husband has comp time. Vacation, here we come!

Day 113

Something learned:

There's no such thing as a free lunch. My dad was always skeptical of offers that sounded too good to be true. I used to think that he was just being ornery.

When I was a teenager and approached by a "free modelling school", I jumped at the chance. In hindsight, they were just trying to sell me expensive professional makeup. I bought $600 of makeup, learned how to apply it, and had an hour's worth of tips on how to pose. I wasn't selected to be represented, but I doubt if anyone actually did. On the up side, I still use the makeup methods that they taught me, because they really do sculpt my face into something model-like. It served me well through 30-40 ballroom competitions and a number of glamorous parties. So I don't feel like I was cheated overall, even though my father probably did.

Well, these days, I make sure to look for the catch. Sometimes I still take the bait, but it's always with the knowledge that I'm aware of, and ok with buying, whatever they're selling me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Resilience.

I feel like crap whenever I make a mistake or fail to live up to expectations. I get uncertain of myself and pull back from doing things. My imposter syndrome starts screaming at me. I start doubting all the self esteem I have felt, and anything positive that I've said.

Maybe I just need to convince myself that it's ok to not be perfect.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband promising me that if he snores, all I have to do is wake him up.

2. Getting to attend an informative talk by Betsy Brown Braun and getting a free copy of her new book

3. Finding some great kid-friendly pitchers so she can pour herself drinks!

4. Husband doing the dishes

5. Going to bed early.

Looking forward to:

I want to make fondue. I own a fondue pot that I've not used in years.

Day 112

Something learned:

Live deliberately. Say or do things with purpose. You don't need to reveal, justify or defend your choices to others, but you should be able to square it with your conscience.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping in touch with people who matter to me. I tend to not know what to talk about with people, even family. So I don't call much.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The 4.4 earthquake being a non-event
2. I gave feedback on an internal feature announcement that I didn't quite like it and why, and I heard back that the team will be reconsidering their approach. So happy that I followed my conscience!
3. Getting my beloved car back from repair

4. Husband buying a new Tivo to replace the wonky old one

5. Husband watching Walking Dead with me so I didn't have to endure that episode alone

Looking forward to:

I want us to all get bikes and go riding together as a family.

Day 111

Something learned:

I wasn't kept safe as a child. The keys were firstly, being educated on safe boundaries, and secondly, a strong trusting relationship with my parents, that involves no secrets. I drill that into my own child now. Every few months, we review the list of body safety rules. No secrets from parents, and she is the boss of her body. Privacy, no touching or pictures. I can only pray that any predator will think many times before going after her.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Managing my energy levels better. I tend to stay up later than I should. I get so tired by the time I pick the kid up after school, I don't get around to doing all the things with her that I want to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Awesome hike with the family -- it was short, it was shady, the waterfall at the end was pretty.
2. Yummy lunch at Porto's
3. Yummy dinner of black pepper crab
4. The friends who came for dinner loving the food, and contributing yummy stuff too.
5. House was clean by the time kid was in bed

Looking forward to:

I think it's time to bring the kid to Yosemite again to go camping in the wilderness.

Day 110

Something learned:

Take second-hand news with a grain of salt. I've been interviewed for newspaper articles before. The main thing I've learned is that quotes will be used out of context, and that meanings change as a result. Sometimes, the interviewer misunderstands something, and the report is just plain wrong. If it can happen to me, I'm sure that it can happen in any other article.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Communication. As much as possible, I tend to avoid talking to others. If I can spend 30 minutes figuring something out by myself to avoid starting up a 10 minute conversation, I'll do the former. Or I'd procrastinate on the actual act. I wish I could find a way past that discomfort.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Calling the music school and finding out my lost book was turned in there
2. Finding the book I wanted and a couple of books that kid wanted at the library
3. Short nap after lunch
4. Hubby taking the kid to the birthday party so I could have some peace to clean the house
5. Awesomest date night with husband at Providence

Looking forward to:

Hosting some friends tomorrow for the first time since having a kid.

Day 109

I think it's time to add something into the mix. In addition to what I've learned, I think it's time for me to reflect upon what I'd like to get better at.

Something learned:

Unfortunately, I had the need to apologize to someone over email in the last day. I felt terrible about my mistake, but even worse, I fear that I botched up my apology and lost my chance to put things right.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt ill equipped to adequately express all my important thoughts coherently, especially since I was upset about my mistake and not thinking well. Since communication isn't my strong suit, I sat down and wrote an outline to use for future apologies (being human and all that).

Do you think that's too unemotional of me?

Something I'd like to get better at:

Parenting. The first few years were fairly straightforward. Keep the baby fed and clean and safe. Now the real hard stuff is happening and I feel like I'm having to figure it out as I go along and mistakes and failure are frustrating and demoralizing. I feel like I have zero role models as I'm not regularly around people who have kids older than mine. I myself was mostly unparented -- just babysat by a housekeeper. Where can I go to get an internship?

Today I was thankful for:

1. Being able to attend a talk by Daniel Suarez and get a free copy of his new book.

2. Napping on the kid's floor and she covered me with a blanket

3. Tasty unagi-don for dinner

4. Getting perfect scores on my 2 Coursera quizzes (granted they were about logic and probability .. but still)

5. Seeing a photograph I took get featured on the Ren Fair Facebook page.

Looking forward to:

Date night tomorrow at my favorite restaurant in Los Angeles!

Day 108

Something learned:

For me, keeping things neat and tidy is a learned skill. I'm pretty sure that judging from my childhood bedroom alone, my parents think that I'm just a messy person by nature. In the years that have passed since leaving home, however, I have learned a lot of things about being tidy that were never taught to me. Now knowing them, it's not difficult to make things tidy, if I can find the time. My over-busy-ness is a different story altogether.

I realized this too, when I asked the kid to clean up her room. In the beginning, she would just stare helplessly at the mess, and not know what to do. I demonstrated and showed her how to approach it. Find something on the floor (e.g. a book), put it away where it belongs. If need be, find a home for that item (make space on a shelf). Find another item like it on the floor, and put that away too. Continue until there are no more of that item. Find another item, find a home for it, put that away. Over the months, we've come to find homes for everything she owns. And now, when I send her into her room by herself to clean it up, she actually manages to do a remarkably good job, sometimes even making her bed!

I know it sounds so simple, but "A place for everything and everything in its place" really should be taken literally, and if it was taught to me properly early on, I might have fared a lot better in the "keeping my room clean" department.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Got the chance to do a quick Zumba session on the Xbox 360
2. Had enough coupons to get $10 off my $25 purchase at CVS
3. Made a parenting mistake that affected another kid and sounds like the other mom accepted my apology. Hopefully she won't hold a grudge.
4. My Whole Foods coupon finally working
5. Husband fixing the loose kitchen cabinet door that was driving me mad.

Looking forward to:

Kid going for her second TKD belt test next week!

Day 107

Something learned:

I was confused when I first encountered the sentiment that "nobody likes a tattle tale". I had never heard such a thing growing up in Singapore. It took a long time before I figured out the subtleties of what tattling on someone meant.

It's all in the intention. Tattling is when you tell on someone to get them in trouble. It's not tattling when you tell on them to keep someone safe.

If two kids were disagreeing about something, and one of them whines to an adult, the grownups prefer to let them figure it out on their own. If one kid was bullying another, however, teachers or parents need to intervene. Sadly though, the difference seems to be lost on kids and they often end up staying silent about things they witnessed.

Bullying can have a devastating effect on a child. I certainly hope my kid will understand the difference when the situation arises.

Today I was thankful for:

1. An interesting parents discussion group session about manners and etiquette at the kid's school
2. My singing teacher telling me that I was doing a good job with the German song I've been learning
3. The Math Day shirt I made for kid to wear going over well
4. Kid going through the evening routine without fuss or complaint
5. Husband taking care of dishes

Looking forward to:

Making my favorite black pepper crab this weekend.

Day 106

Something learned:

Always get a second opinion.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend a talk by an author at work. The author was Daniel J. Siegel, who had written Brainstorm, which was a book about adolescent brain development. Early in the talk, he makes the claim that teenagers need to replace parental attachments with peer attachments for ideal outcomes. This happens to directly contradict the conclusion I reached after reading Hold On To Your Kids by Gabor Mate. The latter book states that a child needs to maintain a stronger attachment to their parent than their peers until they reach adulthood.

At the end of the talk, when he started taking questions, I eventually stood up and mentioned this contradiction to him. I was beyond thrilled when he revealed that he had recently had a long conversation with Gabor himself, and that they disagreed on certain points and agreed on others.

When I first became a parent, I read a number of well-reviewed parenting books. I went along building up a model of ideal parenting until I came across 2 techniques that directly contradicted each other at which point I realized that there was no single ideal model and that I needed to figure it out for myself.

Having the opportunity now to directly challenge the source of this information was very exciting, especially since while I thought that Hold On To Your Kids was a really convincing book, Daniel Siegel seemed to present a very compelling argument otherwise. Eventually, he asked me to read his book and email him what I thought of the matter after that.

I think we're conditioned to trust experts, so it's even more vital for us to understand that sometimes experts disagree. I consider it a great responsibility to educate myself and to reasonably challenge what I'm told, whether it's from my kid's pediatrician or doctor, or an accountant or financial advisor. (Sadly, it's really hard to get good help these days -- but I'm too busy to become qualified as everything I need help for...)

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to order free stuff from work
2. Getting a bunch of awesome free stationery at work at the grab bag shelf
3. Finding a plain shirt that fits the kid at Goodwill for $1.50
4. Finding that I still had T-shirt transfer paper leftover from 2011 in my stash
5. Putting together an awesome shirt for kid to wear to Math Day tomorrow

Looking forward to:

Someday I want to go to Germany and see Miniatur Wunderland.

Day 105

Something learned:

Use it or lose it. I've always believed this to be especially applicable to the brain. Knowing that mental decline is a fact of life, I try to challenge my brain while I still can with puzzles, learning new things, writing, reading, etc. I don't know how well it works, but as long as I continue to be around people who are smarter than I am, I can't get complacent. Or perhaps that's the real lesson, to surround yourself by the people who you want to be like.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to attend a book talk by Daniel Siegel and getting to directly discuss something with him that contradicts another book I read
2. Free book from that talk
3. Finding appropriate bait for the kid's leprechaun trap homework
4. Dinner out with the family before the husband headed off to a Titanfall launch event
5. Finding something appropriate for the kid to donate to the spring fair

Looking forward to:

I hope to someday get to be a guest at Club 33 in Disneyland.

Day 104

Something learned:

Don't be afraid to ask what something is.

When I was in the fourth grade, my teacher put up a sign on the wall that said "It's better to remain silent and let people think you're a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt." Well, as the years passed, I took that advice to heart and chose the path of silent ignorance. I still struggle with this today. I'll find myself in a meeting where an in-progress project would come up in the discussion, and I'd feel like the only room who didn't know what it was. I'd keep quiet and try to figure it out from context, not always successfully. In recent months however, I've started seeing more senior teammates who are willing to interrupt and ask "what is XYZ? I'm not familiar with that." and other people willingly bring them up to speed.

There's much to be learned by admitting when you don't know something.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to spend some talking with other parents at a party
2. Passing by a Crate & Barrel and getting to buy the containers I've been wanting
3. Seeing tons of cool critters in the tidepools
4. Figuring out to distract the kiddo from her exhaustion while hiking uphill by teaching her about cannonballs and heatstroke
5. Awesome hot pot dinner at Little Lamb

Looking forward to:

When I have a garden, I want to grow fruit and vegetables. Maybe have a little arbor or pergola for relaxing.

Day 103

Something learned:

Don't wait for life to be perfect before starting to enjoy life.

Life is not perfect, and will never be. People make mistakes, accidents happen, people get sick, things break. This stuff is part of life, and if you consider them exceptional circumstances and hold your breath for the time when whatever bad stuff in your life is done, so that you can really start living, you're never going to be happy.

This kind of thinking was much harder for me to accept when I was younger and I saw the world in black and white. I considered my world blemished and blackened, and thought that everyone else around me must be living perfect lives. Eventually, I learned to find the joy in daily life, and release frustration and anger from the crappy stuff. Along the way, I've come to suspect that other people's lives probably aren't as perfect as they seem either. But I do wish them all every happiness.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finding cute, affordable summer dresses for myself and the kid.
2. An offer of reciprocal babysitting from a mommy-friend. I'm surprised by how excited I am by this.
3. Suddenly recalling the name of a french song I was trying to remember from my college days that has been bothering me for months. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXKkxZ7U-lo
4. Husband taking the kid to get boba so I could get an hour of peace.
5. Trying the new chinese place nearby and finding it not altogether terrible.

Looking forward to:

I want to go diamond hunting in Arkansas. I went garnet hunting in Mexico, but chollas attacked us. Arkansas should be a tad easier to get to :)

Day 102

Something learned:

Don't compare yourself to others.

Firstly, when they are successful, you feel like a failure by comparison. And if they are a loved one, you can't truly be happy for them when the comparison only serves to make you look bad.

Second and more importantly, it distracts you from your own goals.

I used to compare myself to others. I remember bringing home a test and announcing proudly that I had gotten the second highest score in class. In hindsight, the response I got is laughably predictable, "Why not first?" But at the time, it frustrated me that instead of my own accomplishment being recognized, it was relegated to a missed expectation.

Eventually, I learned that the only measure of success that mattered was my own. By understanding myself well and knowing my own goals, I can gauge my own success by a metric that made a difference to me. The hard part is of course, setting your own goals, but that's a story for another day.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The 12 song routine I selected for Zumba 360 including a cool down soon at the end. Good design!
2. Getting my team together for Dash 6!
3. Chorus at work getting back together. I get to sing!

4. Getting a table at Nanbankan despite not having a reservation

5. Watching Catching Fire with hubby with Google Play credit

Looking forward to:

I had an idea to bring my parents on vacation somewhere awesome. I just need to figure out where and when now.

Day 101

Something learned:

If I haven't worked as hard as I could have on something, I feel as though any failure on my part is indefensible.

I've felt in constant fear of  being called out for having poor work habits. That wasn't helped by my anxious nature that usually anticipates non-existent problems. Somewhere along the way, I earned a way that was easier on my psyche.

The lesson learned was to try my best, and whatever the result, I can take pride in that.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hearing from the kid's teacher that everything is OK and progressing
2. Running into Sarah and setting up a playdate for the kids
3. Shrimp and mussels at lunch
4. My first Thai massage
5. Hearing that parts for my car repair are now in

Looking forward to:

Titanfall launch day next week!

Day 100

Something learned:

I've started to face the fact that I'm a rather anxious person. I deal with it by over preparing and over analyzing and for the most part, I'm functional. I regularly coach myself to accept things and move on. It helps that I remember so little. Easier to get over something you've forgotten ;-)

Accept and move on. After all in the big scheme of things, what does it matter....

Today I was thankful for:

1. A good zumba workout this morning. The game is fun!
2. Free donuts from Krispy Kreme
3. Free stuff from Victoria's Secret
4. My merchandise credit at Athleta was exactly the amount of my bill.. so free!
5. Finding the house keys after searching the car for many minutes. I was very relieved that they weren't lost somewhere.

Looking forward to:

Trying a Thai massage at work tomorrow.

Day 99

Something learned:

A real date night is not just an outing with the husband sans kid. We've had regular, albeit infrequent, adult-only dinners since becoming parents, but I've found it extremely hard to get out of Mommy mode. I still am thinking about the todo list, the chores, the household minutia.

A true date night requires reconnecting, reflecting, rediscovering, relaxing. On our most recent date, I made a concious effort to relax and be playful. It's hard to play when I'm "the grown up" and constantly on watch. I also got us to reconnect with deeper conversation (not just a discussion of the week's grocery list) and where we reflected on our relationship.

I'd forgotten about that aspect of dating where you work hard to forge a connection with the other person. Even a well established relationship benefits from that renewal.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Crawfish at work for Fat Tuesday!
2. Free stuff from work again
3. No negative report from the kid's teacher today
4. Getting the global high score on Trip (Threes Android clone)
5. Hubby got the 360 working so I can play my Zumba game tomorrow

Looking forward to:

Recreating our wedding cake. The guy who did our cake sold his restaurant but I tracked him down and hubby called him for the recipe.

It was awesome cake, but we didn't even do a tasting. It was provided with the venue. We got so lucky!

Day 98

Something learned:

I started my first gratitude project on a whim more than a decade ago. My very first stated goal in life was to "be happy" and I decided that I wanted to do something tangible towards achieving that goal.

Doing gratitude on and off over the years, I've found that it achieves a number of things. First, the exercise of looking for items to list forces me to reflect on the good things that had happened that day. Secondly, I have never had a day where it was completely impossible to come up with 5 items that I was thankful for, telling me that I am indeed managing to maintain a happy life.

I've found that focusing on the positive instead of the negative allows me to let go of the bad stuff, to accept that they happened but not allow them permanent residence in my narrative.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting back the kid's forgotten violin
2. The BH library having a book drop that I could reach from my window so I didn't have to get out of the car
3. Fixing the monday morning code bug quickly despite working on little sleep.
4. Hubby reading the kid her bedtime story so I could rest
5. Having this gratitude project to keep me focused on the positive

Looking forward to:

Upcoming Room Escape game this month!

Day 97

Something learned:

When I told the kid this morning that we were going to a museum to see an exhibit about spies, she declared that she wasn't interested. My husband is a quick thinker and started talking to her about the time she tried to sneak out after bedtime to listen to mom and dad talking. That sparked off a whole discussion on how she could be sneakier and better at doing secret things. When it was explained that that was what spies did, she sounded a lot more interested. I then told her a very summarized version of the plot of Argo and she thought it sounded cool. By the time we got into the exhibition, she was asking us to tell her about everything in every glass case.

That was an important lesson in how to engage someone and make information relevant. Information isn't usually interesting for its own sake, and a good teacher can find a way to make the student keen to know more.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to see the Spy: The Secret World of Espionage. It was everything I'd dreamed about as a kid and more.
2. The kid being really interested in many of the exhibits of the show
3. Having some time to run a bunch of errands
4. Getting to drive the Model S for a few hours this afternoon. It's a powerful car, but a little big for me...
5. Getting to eat the Soon tofu I've been craving all weekend

Looking forward to:

A quiet week with nothing unusual happening.

Day 96

Something learned:

You don't know what you have until you have something to compare it to.

I was in a special academic program in school, and when I was asked what was different about it from regular classes, I had no idea, since I hadn't taken any.

Until I lived away from home, I wasn't aware of the things I loved about it.

None of the things I've posted so far about learning, I would have known I knew, if not for having observed the opposite. Even negative experience can be valuable.

Today I was thankful for:
1. Vent cleaning getting moved earlier and taking only 20min so we could all head out together
2. Making it to the symphony on time
3. The kid humming the 1812 overture all afternoon
4. Lunch at Roscoes Chicken and Waffles, without a wait!
5. Hubby getting his car back from the service center this evening

Looking forward to:

Getting my own car back from the body shop. I miss it!