Day 135

Something learned:

Eat properly.

It sometimes saddens me how much more effort it takes for me to eat now than say, twenty years ago. But then again, in a typical day back then, I would have chocolate eclairs for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and sweet drinks right before bed. So hopefully I am actually doing a better job now.

It kind of blows my mind how complicated choosing food can be. Read labels. Buy organic. Shop ethically. Avoid fast food. Environmentally friendly choices. Michael Pollan's Food Rules had a big impact on me. So have exposés of industrial farming and the FDA.

I wonder if doctors quizzing me on my medical history wonder if I'm lying -- no caffeine, no alcohol, no tobacco. I figure I'd like to be as healthy for as long as I can. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Making my loved ones feel loved. It's too easy to let the business of living distract me. I think I used to be better at this when I was younger. Perhaps I just thought more of others back then, and less about all my responsibilities, which also admittedly numbered fewer back then.

Today I was thankful for:

1. That I hadn't yet turned the kid's Sea Shepherd 4T shirt into a quilt square so that she could wear it to school for Earth Day.
2. Getting a 60% speed up with some tweaking I did on one page of the project. Optimization isn't my strong suit.
3. Having a bowl of instant noodles to satisfy MSG cravings, even if my stomach wasn't happy later. Won't be repeating that soon...
4. Kid having a good day at school, behavior-wise.
5. MJ inviting us to camp at Idyllwild even though we couldn't make it. It's nice to be invited.

Looking forward to:

Puzzle hunt this weekend!

Day 87

Something learned:

What to look for in a partner? When I was young, I thought that dating someone came down to a choice between looks and personality. Now I don't know how I could have ever thought it was that simple.

As I got older, experience taught me that I wanted someone who was honest (that I could trust) and strong (determination). I eventually condensed that to integrity, in both senses of the word -- being honest, as well as doing and being everything that he decides to be.

Along the way, I learned about values (family, personal development, financial etc) and the importance of sharing them with one's spouse. As you combine your lives, if your major priorities are not somewhat aligned, life can get very difficult.

Lastly, it occurred to me that planning a wedding together is the ultimate test of whether you and your future spouse are able to work together on a stressful, complex project. It will be a good indicator of how well you might weather the tough times together. It's always better to find out BEFORE making the commitment.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finally getting together a hundred sheets of paper or so to hand off to our account for this year's taxes.
2. Kiddo cleaning up her room
3. Hubby doing everything on the chore list I handed him this evening
4. Kiddo declaring that she loves reading (she finished Ivy & Bean in an hour tonight)
5. Hubby making me a bowl of ice cream just because I asked

Looking forward to:

A trip to Providence restaurant sometime soon. Mmmm.

Day 82

Something learned:

Marriage is a partnership. You need to be able to lean on each other, but also support each other's needs, wants, and work hard at it.

Hubby will get me chocolate ice cream if I'm asking for it while bundled up on the couch. He will leave work early to watch the kid so I can go off to chorus practice, or fly off for 3 days for a conference. He went along with everything I had planned for our day together and had a great time.

In return I keep the household running smoothly, I plan stuff that keep our lives fun and exciting, and I try my best to keep us all safe.

Happy.

Today I was thankful for:

1. In-laws who love the grandkid enough to babysit her for the weekend
2. A happy and confident kid
3. A whole day to just be with the husband
4. Great conversation with the husband
5. Successfully recapturing that relaxed, carefree, playful dating feeling

Looking forward to:

Having my kid back. And doing this adults-only retreat thing again.

Day 81

Something learned:

For me, I knew I found love when the relationship wasn't difficult. Which isn't to say it didn't take work, but it wasn't a soul-wrenching, painful experience like in previous relationships. Being with my husband was like being home. I trusted him. We were partners. We had fun together. We were different people but we made accommodations. And our marriage was a commitment to each other. That means doing the necessary work (and more!) to keep the relationship healthy, supporting them, accepting them, working together for common goals,

Happy Valentine's Day, Hubby.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Having breakfast with Hubby and kid at work
2. Seeing the kid be brave enough to have a conversation with the guy feeding the fish at work
3. Finding the book I wanted at the library
4. Friends alerting me that my twitter account was hacked so that the damage was hopefully limited.
5. Avoiding Jamzilla AND the weird Valentine's Day Westside Traffic Jam. (VDWTJ takes me 1.5h to go 5 miles)

Looking forward to:

Many more years with hubby.

Day 71

Something learned:

An online friend was asking for relationship advice, because she felt like she was more invested than the other person in a relationship, and thus feeling like she's not as important to the other as they are to her.

It is a little frightening how close to home that description hits -- it could have been me saying that same thing in 2000. And in hindsight, the solution seems so simple -- to not make another person the source of your happiness. Happiness needs to come from within you. A good relationship enhances the strong foundation that comes from inside yourself, the relationship is not the foundation. Friends at the time only said "love yourself" and while they were not wrong, I wish they could have explained it a little better.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Kid being proud of herself for using her allowance to make a purchase on her own for the first time
2. My manager saying it'll be OK for me to attend a conference in SC
3. Srirarcha being back in stock in the cafeteria
4. Brownie dessert at work
5. Chocolate ice cream at home

Looking forward to:

I found a bunch of instructional tap videos online. Gonna try and learn :D

Day 56

Something learned:

If you can't love life on your own, it's hard to for you to enrich someone else's life. Or more simply put, if you don't love yourself, you're not ready to be in love.

To make another person responsible for your happiness is selfish and unhealthy. Much in the way I rejected my mother's advice to marry a rich man and be taken care of, I should have realized that I also need to have the ability to take care of my own emotional needs.

Today I was grateful for:

1. +Beng Liang Koh sending me some awesome Chinese New Year music
2. $5 off at Joann, which I used to buy some 50% off rubberbands. End price was 94 cents for 2000 bands + 3 charms.
3. Free lunch for kid at the Indian buffet
4. Complimentary mango lassi for the kid at lunch (which she didn't like, so I got!)
5. Walking with the kid on her bicycle to the park.

Looking forward to:

Finally watching Knights of Badassdom tomorrow night. Grownups' night out!

Day 12

Today I was grateful for:

1. Sleeping in
2. Thanksgiving dinner with family
3. Not needing to have any part of the Black Friday ugliness tomorrow
4. Nobody laughing at my burned attempt at sweet potatoes
5. Remembering to take some family photos this year

Something learned:

I used to think that it was important to sacrifice oneself for the other person of love was true. Ultimately, I learned that it was both unhealthy and unfair. Unhealthy because I was constantly in a state of disappointment, with the other person not even understanding the expectations that he was not meeting. Unfair because it is a huge responsibility to put upon someone else.

When I assumed responsibility for my own happiness, I became a happy person, one that attracted other happy, healthy souls. I think this is the heart of the idea that you need to love yourself before you can be in love. Sacrifice leads to resentment but giving for the sake of love is beautiful.

It reminds me of what they teach in First Responder classes. Ultimately, I needed to take care of myself first, then I can safely take care of others.

A hope:

Someday, I would like to get much more genealogical information about my family background. I don't quite know where to begin with all the migration and different languages in the history.