Day 103

Something learned:

Don't wait for life to be perfect before starting to enjoy life.

Life is not perfect, and will never be. People make mistakes, accidents happen, people get sick, things break. This stuff is part of life, and if you consider them exceptional circumstances and hold your breath for the time when whatever bad stuff in your life is done, so that you can really start living, you're never going to be happy.

This kind of thinking was much harder for me to accept when I was younger and I saw the world in black and white. I considered my world blemished and blackened, and thought that everyone else around me must be living perfect lives. Eventually, I learned to find the joy in daily life, and release frustration and anger from the crappy stuff. Along the way, I've come to suspect that other people's lives probably aren't as perfect as they seem either. But I do wish them all every happiness.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finding cute, affordable summer dresses for myself and the kid.
2. An offer of reciprocal babysitting from a mommy-friend. I'm surprised by how excited I am by this.
3. Suddenly recalling the name of a french song I was trying to remember from my college days that has been bothering me for months. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXKkxZ7U-lo
4. Husband taking the kid to get boba so I could get an hour of peace.
5. Trying the new chinese place nearby and finding it not altogether terrible.

Looking forward to:

I want to go diamond hunting in Arkansas. I went garnet hunting in Mexico, but chollas attacked us. Arkansas should be a tad easier to get to :)

Day 102

Something learned:

Don't compare yourself to others.

Firstly, when they are successful, you feel like a failure by comparison. And if they are a loved one, you can't truly be happy for them when the comparison only serves to make you look bad.

Second and more importantly, it distracts you from your own goals.

I used to compare myself to others. I remember bringing home a test and announcing proudly that I had gotten the second highest score in class. In hindsight, the response I got is laughably predictable, "Why not first?" But at the time, it frustrated me that instead of my own accomplishment being recognized, it was relegated to a missed expectation.

Eventually, I learned that the only measure of success that mattered was my own. By understanding myself well and knowing my own goals, I can gauge my own success by a metric that made a difference to me. The hard part is of course, setting your own goals, but that's a story for another day.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The 12 song routine I selected for Zumba 360 including a cool down soon at the end. Good design!
2. Getting my team together for Dash 6!
3. Chorus at work getting back together. I get to sing!

4. Getting a table at Nanbankan despite not having a reservation

5. Watching Catching Fire with hubby with Google Play credit

Looking forward to:

I had an idea to bring my parents on vacation somewhere awesome. I just need to figure out where and when now.

Day 101

Something learned:

If I haven't worked as hard as I could have on something, I feel as though any failure on my part is indefensible.

I've felt in constant fear of  being called out for having poor work habits. That wasn't helped by my anxious nature that usually anticipates non-existent problems. Somewhere along the way, I earned a way that was easier on my psyche.

The lesson learned was to try my best, and whatever the result, I can take pride in that.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hearing from the kid's teacher that everything is OK and progressing
2. Running into Sarah and setting up a playdate for the kids
3. Shrimp and mussels at lunch
4. My first Thai massage
5. Hearing that parts for my car repair are now in

Looking forward to:

Titanfall launch day next week!

Day 100

Something learned:

I've started to face the fact that I'm a rather anxious person. I deal with it by over preparing and over analyzing and for the most part, I'm functional. I regularly coach myself to accept things and move on. It helps that I remember so little. Easier to get over something you've forgotten ;-)

Accept and move on. After all in the big scheme of things, what does it matter....

Today I was thankful for:

1. A good zumba workout this morning. The game is fun!
2. Free donuts from Krispy Kreme
3. Free stuff from Victoria's Secret
4. My merchandise credit at Athleta was exactly the amount of my bill.. so free!
5. Finding the house keys after searching the car for many minutes. I was very relieved that they weren't lost somewhere.

Looking forward to:

Trying a Thai massage at work tomorrow.

Day 99

Something learned:

A real date night is not just an outing with the husband sans kid. We've had regular, albeit infrequent, adult-only dinners since becoming parents, but I've found it extremely hard to get out of Mommy mode. I still am thinking about the todo list, the chores, the household minutia.

A true date night requires reconnecting, reflecting, rediscovering, relaxing. On our most recent date, I made a concious effort to relax and be playful. It's hard to play when I'm "the grown up" and constantly on watch. I also got us to reconnect with deeper conversation (not just a discussion of the week's grocery list) and where we reflected on our relationship.

I'd forgotten about that aspect of dating where you work hard to forge a connection with the other person. Even a well established relationship benefits from that renewal.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Crawfish at work for Fat Tuesday!
2. Free stuff from work again
3. No negative report from the kid's teacher today
4. Getting the global high score on Trip (Threes Android clone)
5. Hubby got the 360 working so I can play my Zumba game tomorrow

Looking forward to:

Recreating our wedding cake. The guy who did our cake sold his restaurant but I tracked him down and hubby called him for the recipe.

It was awesome cake, but we didn't even do a tasting. It was provided with the venue. We got so lucky!

Day 98

Something learned:

I started my first gratitude project on a whim more than a decade ago. My very first stated goal in life was to "be happy" and I decided that I wanted to do something tangible towards achieving that goal.

Doing gratitude on and off over the years, I've found that it achieves a number of things. First, the exercise of looking for items to list forces me to reflect on the good things that had happened that day. Secondly, I have never had a day where it was completely impossible to come up with 5 items that I was thankful for, telling me that I am indeed managing to maintain a happy life.

I've found that focusing on the positive instead of the negative allows me to let go of the bad stuff, to accept that they happened but not allow them permanent residence in my narrative.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting back the kid's forgotten violin
2. The BH library having a book drop that I could reach from my window so I didn't have to get out of the car
3. Fixing the monday morning code bug quickly despite working on little sleep.
4. Hubby reading the kid her bedtime story so I could rest
5. Having this gratitude project to keep me focused on the positive

Looking forward to:

Upcoming Room Escape game this month!

Day 97

Something learned:

When I told the kid this morning that we were going to a museum to see an exhibit about spies, she declared that she wasn't interested. My husband is a quick thinker and started talking to her about the time she tried to sneak out after bedtime to listen to mom and dad talking. That sparked off a whole discussion on how she could be sneakier and better at doing secret things. When it was explained that that was what spies did, she sounded a lot more interested. I then told her a very summarized version of the plot of Argo and she thought it sounded cool. By the time we got into the exhibition, she was asking us to tell her about everything in every glass case.

That was an important lesson in how to engage someone and make information relevant. Information isn't usually interesting for its own sake, and a good teacher can find a way to make the student keen to know more.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to see the Spy: The Secret World of Espionage. It was everything I'd dreamed about as a kid and more.
2. The kid being really interested in many of the exhibits of the show
3. Having some time to run a bunch of errands
4. Getting to drive the Model S for a few hours this afternoon. It's a powerful car, but a little big for me...
5. Getting to eat the Soon tofu I've been craving all weekend

Looking forward to:

A quiet week with nothing unusual happening.