Half year review

OK I admit defeat. My daily blogging exercise lasted about half a year, and was good while it lasted. But since we're now at the halfway point for 2014, I'd like to do some sort of year-so-far-in-review.

Something I did that I've never done before: Tried to milk a goat

Smartest decision made: I don't feel like I did anything unusually smart. but perhaps being realistic about my time constraints and declining to audition for the SM chorus. I needed to simplify my life.

One word that best sums up and describes my experience:

Most happy about completing: My 180+ day Duoligo streak studying Italian.

Biggest risk I took: Auditioned for a game show. Although I eventually chickened out. So maybe I'm not as much as a risk taker as I fancy myself.

Most grateful for: My family is happy and healthy.

Biggest achievement: I feel confident calling myself a singer now.

Wish I've done more of: Exercise

Wish I've done less of: Candy Crush.

What advice I'd give myself 6 months ago: Please exercise better judgement over you tell the kid. She IS still a kid. And sleep more. You're destroying your brain.

Zzzzz.... 

Day 160

Something learned:

I didn't grow up with pets. My parents hated animals, so I never got that dog I wanted. Well, I did have a couple of rabbits, but they were outdoor rabbits, so I never really bonded with them. I remember my best friend's dog dying many years ago, and I was completely mystified as to why. I probably said something insensitive like "you can always get another one."

Thankfully, I understand it a lot better now. I saw in later years how my adult brother got a dog and my mother would watch TV with it. After becoming a parent, I marveled at how a strong emotion could be built seemingly out of nowhere. When a friend lost her cat a few days ago, I was able to explain it to my child in a way that she understood, and also was able to sympathize with the pain of losing an animal.

I don't think being a pet owner is an exact equivalent to parenting, but it's clear to me that the loss of a pet is a deep, authentic pain, and that was a big lesson to me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Gardening. I've always dreamed of growing fruits and vegetables, but I seem to keep killing the ones I have....

Today I was thankful for:

1. Introducing some family to hot pot and having them love it
2. A kid artist at the chalk festival taking on my kid as an apprentice for a few minutes. She was hooked!
3. A phone call from an aunt who offered some help with something I'd complained about on Facebook
4.Kid having fun with her grandparents' neighbor's kid
5. Great day spent with family

Looking forward to:

My new moringa tree growing nice and strong. I tried hard this time :)

Day 159

Something learned:

As a compliment, I've always felt that "You must be really smart" indicates a fixed mindset -- that my success is due to some inborn traits. I don't agree. I've had my share of failures, and I've seen that my successes were due to willingness to take a chance, accompanied by hard work. I enjoy hearing "Great job" much more, since it also implies that the speaker has observed and is impressed by the quality of the work I've done.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping in touch with people. I think I'm becoming more introverted as the years go by. I often don't actually want to commit to social events. It's hard to maintain friendships that way... even though I want to keep my friends.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting the last thing I need to grow a tree on my deck :)
2. Finding a bee rescue company that I can call or recommend next time. I hate the bees dying
3. Kid performing in her magic show despite her earlier fears
4. Getting some good work done while the kid played quietly in my office
5. Lots of good input from friends about potential places to live

Looking forward to:

Wedding anniversary next week!

My challenges of parenting

Parenting is hard, but everyone has different challenges. Over the past couple of years, I've learned about what makes my kid unique, and how best to support those differences. Right now, my biggest challenges with those differences are:

• Overcoming perfectionism - she fears failure so much that she sometimes can't get started at all. She has a hard time attempting something she isn't 100% confident of doing successfully. She is her own worst enemy.
• Teaching grit - when things come easily to her, it's hard to show her the value of practice and perseverance, which will make or break her future endeavors.
• Sensitivities - her sensitivities are extreme, much more so than most kids, because she is capable of such depth of feeling and seeing such a big picture, being mentally mature before her emotional maturity has caught up. I'm constantly on the watch for meltdowns.
• Humility - People hate a braggart, and while they adore sports superstars, they abhor intellectual prowess, she doesn't understand yet why she has to be sensitive to this. I've been sensitized to this myself over my lifetime and it makes me a little sad to have to protect her from this as well. 
• Allowing her to fulfill her potential - it is my responsibility to seek opportunities, to engage, to guide, to advocate. I have no role model for this, and sometimes feel like I'm barely treading water on this.

On why I choose the school I did

Over the past year, when meeting parents of other school-aged children, I usually get asked which school my daughter attends. On finding out that she attends a private school, I usually get asked next "Why did you choose that school?"

That was a difficult question to answer. I was fairly systematic in my approach. I found a large geographical region that was feasible for us to commute to, then listed all the private schools in that area, of which I think there were about 30. We must have visited more than half of these. Eventually, we applied to 9 that I thought were a reasonable fit for our education philosophy. In hindsight, only a handful of those really fit.

After a year of reflection, I think what eventually sold me the most on the school that she currently attends, over all the others, was the fact that every school was evaluating her on whether she met their minimum standards for attending, where as, her school evaluated her on how much she knew and her potential. There is a very big difference.

In the other schools, they were checking to see if she could recreate a block pattern that they showed her. They don't want her to slow the rest of the kindergarten class down by not being able to keep up. They said things like "It doesn't matter whether your child is reading yet when they start school, they all catch up to each other around 3rd grade." How? By neglecting the early readers to focus on the later ones?

In her school, they took her away for a private interview without the parents. When we were allowed to enter, I was stunned to see sheets of paper on the table with extremely detailed drawings, and with a veritable essay written on it in my kid's handwriting.

I didn't want a school that would herd her along and made sure that all the stragglers crossed the finish line. I wanted a school that let their students run at full speed and would race alongside with them.

Day 158

Something learned:

Time vs money.

"Time is money is a common saying" but it has little meaning to a kid with plenty of time and not much way of generating money with it. These days though, I can take my annual salary and divide it by my hours worked and come up with a rough estimate of what my time could be worth.

It helps puts into perspective the choices of what I do with my time. It makes me feel better about farming out some things to other people to buy back some time for myself, because it's actually cheaper to hire someone else than to spend my own time on it.

In the end, though, it's about sanity. I'm still learning how to ensure that I continue to have my own down time, and my kid now too. But I guess the value of downtime is a different lesson.

Something I'd like to get better at:

To be more willing to ask people questions when I don't understand, instead of trying to look it up later in private.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to visit E3 with the husband
2. Playing some fun games at E3
3. Husband taking care of a phone call that neither of us wanted to make
4. Husband taking the kid out to Fry's while I napped
5. Finally tackling a basket of paperwork to file and actually getting most of it done painlessly

Looking forward to:

Kid doing a magic performance on Friday

Day 157

Something learned:

"If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back." ~ Regina Bratt

I have problems, but I'm dealing with them. A sick relative. Difficulty of keeping in touch with distant family and friends. Worrying about achieving dreams before I die. If these are my worst problems, I'm very very thankful.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Finding gifts for people. I know my husband so well, and already I struggle with gifts for him, let alone other people. I just don't seem to know how to find good gifts.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Successfully doing 50 situps this morning
2. My singing coach telling me that I did a good job on Holle Rache.
3. Making it to the kid's camp on time despite traffic
4. Kid playing quietly in my office allowing me to get in 3 hours of work.
5. Husband making dinner since I came home late.

Looking forward to:

Picking up a new hobby after my singing lessons wind down. The world is full of possibilities!

Day 156

Something learned:

"If you live life without margins, you'll be subject to it's whims." I read this in an article and it was the best articulation of why I always try to do things ahead of time.

The way I see it, if something is due on Friday, and I wait till Thursday to do it. I will miss 100% of the opportunities that may come up on Thursday. If I start work on the task as early as I can, I keep open the possibility of taking up opportunities that come my way during the week. Or if an emergency arises on Thursday, then it all gets disrupted.

This philosophy seems obvious to me, but my evangelism efforts seldom succeed. Sigh.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Italian. I've been trying to study it for more than half my lifetime. One would think I would be a little better at it by now.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Being able to get my abs workout done this morning before the family woke up
2. My new inexpensive infinity scarf working quite well as a shrug
3. Finding the book I wanted at the library
4. Hubby making Linguine con Vongole for dinner
5. Seeing some of the Roman sights I love in the movie "The Great Beauty"

Looking forward to:

My singing recital this weekend

Day 155

Something learned:

Voting is a privilege. And it's hard work.

I don't like just voting along party lines, but my choices can have real consequences that I have no ability to predict from spending a few minutes reading about a person.

I hate all the advertising material I get before an election though. I've started not even looking at any of it. It's too much work to separate the lies from the truth.

I feel the weight of the responsibility, and more so in these local elections, where there's a low voter turnout, so my vote carries more influence. I worked hard to earn this right to vote, so I make the effort to vote in every election that I can. I am saddened by the low serial number on my stub, that so many other people just take this privilege for granted.

There was a time when chinese people were not allowed to vote. There was also a time when women could not vote. Neither of those are true today, and I will not squander this opportunity.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Blogging consistently. I'm finally starting to fall asleep at a decent hour. Maybe my body has had enough of late nights. But as a result, since I like blogging at the end of my day, I keep falling asleep before I get around to blogging. I'm going to give myself a time to do it and stick to that.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Caliber Collision fixing my window seal for free and in about 10 minutes
2. $10 car wash special at work
3. Ella giving the kid a lovely pink Android tee that was too small for her
4. Being able to vote
5. Husband making dinner

Looking forward to:

Kid's last day of her first year of school tomorrow.

Day 154

Ok, so it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post. If I don't get back to it now, I might not ever get to 365!

Something learned:

People liked me when I was younger. I had less on my mind, and had more free mental cycles to reach out to people and connect with them. I think since becoming a parent, I've lost all my spare energy, and then some, and have turned into an introvert. I don't really like this side of me as much.

The lesson learned, is that to make/maintain/keep friends, you have to invest of yourself in the friendship, give attention and mental space.

(I'm not sure I know a clever, pithy way to phrase this, but this is the best my tired brain can come up with right now. Some day when I turn this blog into a book, I'll rewrite it in a much catchier way. Heh.)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Finding exercise that I enjoy. I find it so hard to stick to physical fitness. Running worked for a while. Now to run farther, I'm afraid that I need to learn how to run properly or I might injure myself or something.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting a medical billing issue resolved in my favor (amazing)
2. Despite horrific traffic, I made it to my destinations on time
3. Kid cheering up halfway through her TKD class
4. Getting a new chromecast for $25
5. Hubby making dinner

Looking forward to:

Dinner at a new restaurant this weekend to celebrate Hubby's birthday

Day 153

Something learned:

Gambling is about buying hope. Games are never set up to benefit the player. O used to say that gambling is a tax on the stupid. But hope can be a powerful thing. Hope of being rich. Hope of being lucky. Or maybe a delusion that you're smart enough to win. I think now that as long as you know what you're buying and you can afford it, why not.

Yes I know that there are ways to exploit games, but that's not really gambling anymore, since there is now the element of extra knowledge.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Remembering people's names. Unless I interact with someone on a daily basis, I tend to forget names. I hate getting stumped in conversation by this.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finishing my thick novel
2. Yummy buffalo jerky from Barstow
3. Spending time getting to know some coworkers better
4. Yummy seafood at the buffet
5. Watching Cirque du Soleil

Looking forward to:

Singaporean food!

Day 152

Something learned:

It is important to be aware of your own weakness and shortcomings to be able to prepare and compensate for them.

I had an incident today where I overestimated my ability, with disastrous results. I'm really depressed and upset with the world.. but I'll know better for next time.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping the big picture in mind. I focus so much on the details and getting through each day I think I've lost sight of where I'm going

Today I was thankful for:

1. Breakfast with hubby
2. Kim liking the song I chose for the recital
3. Sharon helping me pick up my package
4. Hubby picking up the kid after school so I could work
5. Successful nail art for my trip

Looking forward to:

Reading on the bus to Vegas. Can never find time to read at home.

Day 151

Something learned:

Don't treat people like computers.

I recently wrote a long message to our health benefits team about an insurance issue I was having. It was very detailed and they thanked me. A few messages later, I began to suspect that they had misread the dates I had typed, and the next message from them confirmed that I was right. I should have said something like "Note that the date is 2013, not 2014" even though the numbers were clearly there to be seen. It's only human right?

This lesson has also been learnt over years of trying to understand User Experience and User Interface design. Humans respond differently to different interface design. As a programmer, I've always felt that the most important thing was that the necessary information and functionality was available, not how they were presented. I've come to understand that this isn't true. A bad user interface will break a system.

Treat people like people.

Something I want to get better at:

Be more willing to take on things I don't know how to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband cleaning out the fish tank and getting a new cleaning system for it.
2. Having a treadmill desk at work so I could take a short walk after lunch while reading.
3. Finding some pain medication in the cabinet after I split my lip open while being a klutz.
4. Husband making dinner
5. Free movie rental

Looking forward to:

Watching a show with friends tomorrow night

Day 150

Something learned:

Delegation is a learned skill. It also means relinquishing control over a part of the process to others. But it's necessary. You can't do everything yourself. I try to delegate at home so that I'm not so busy. At work, without delegation we couldn't work as a team.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not getting distracted. Unless I've set myself a deadline, I feel like I keep straying to other things I want to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Seeing an out of town friend visiting at the office
2. Kid's friend's father tipping me off to the kid sneaking around to surprise me
3. Being stopped at the side of the road when a collision happened.. barely 20 feet away.
4. Husband making me a bowl of ice cream and pound cake
5. Getting about 30 items off my todo list.

Looking forward to:

Husband helping me out a little on his days off

Day 149

Something learned:

The best things in life are free. Being remembered and loved. Spending time with loved ones. Wish there was a way to hang on to these moments forever.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to have a life over more money. Then I see pictures of my family and remember that the answer is yes.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Trying to do less. I'm terrible at keeping things off my plate. My todo list inbox accumulated about 40 items over the weekend since I was too busy to process any of them away.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A Mother's Day card from the kid
2. A Mother's Day card and chocolates gift card from the husband
3. A fun exhausting day at Disneyland Resort
4. The kid saying multiple times that she had a good day
5. The kid buying $3 of sparkly hair bows because she found something in the store that she could afford with her saved allowance. So proud of her.

Looking forward to:

Work offsite later this week.

Day 148

Something learned:

By trying to be the person I want to be, I make it easier to explain to my child the person I want her to be.

I don't know how to justify "Do as I say not as I do". I can justify things that are not appropriate for her though, since she agrees that there are things she doesn't need to know about yet (e.g. war movies). And it's easy to provide examples for various explanations if I'm already doing them and she has seen it (e.g. practicing a new skill)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Developing creativity. I've been so focused on problem solving and skill development for years now, it's hard to remember I ever knew how to create.

Today I was thankful for

1. Hubby taking kid to swim class so I could prep for our trip
2. Trying the little Peruvian restaurant in the neighborhood for the first time and it was good
3. Pool fun with family
4. Yummy shrimp and grits at Downtown Disney
5. Discovering the delightful surprise firework wall in our hotel room

Looking forward to:

Mother's Day in Disneyland!

Day 147

Something learned:

I have nothing to prove. When I am enough for me, it no longer matters whether I think that others think less of me.

For example, I used to get mad when I see cars behind me switch lanes to pass me, then switch back on front of me. It's as though they're saying that they're more important than me, or that my car is inferior to theirs (in LA people identify strongly with their cars)

My reaction was more a reflection on my own insecurities. These days I care much less when it happens, and it surprised me at first.  But I've think I've stopped putting myself in competition with random strangers on the streets. I don't need to do so to feel better about myself. I'm good enough for me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Getting friends together more often. I miss hosting social events. But I let all sorts of obstacles stop me these days. I want a house filled with loved ones...

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to talk to some really nice folks at the kid's library
2. A dim sum lunch with the in-laws
3. Buying a couple of nice grownup dresses at 50% off
4. The kid picking out and successfully using a hairbrush by herself
5. Finding what appears to be a decent pair of kids sunglasses at REI

Looking forward to:

Staying at the Disneyland Hotel for the first time!

Day 146

Something learned:

You can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. Of the men I dated in my life, the ones who were good guys, had good friends. And as it turns out, my husband's friends are awesome. I came to believe that it is a pretty good indicator that if you don't like a person's friends, you wouldn't really like that person.

By the same vein, be careful about the company that you keep, for it reflects upon you.

Something I would like to get better at:

I wish I had better self discipline to do the things I think I should do. My limited store of willpower sometimes feels inaccessible. Wish I knew how to draw upon it more reliably and be everything I think I should be...

Today I was thankful for:

1. The gift of an awesome mug, even though it was meant as a prank
2. Managing to avoid the worst of the evening traffic
3. Getting to see my kid's portfolio from the past year at the open house
4. Friendly conversation with many of my kid's friend's parents
5. Foot rubs from my husband

Looking forward to:

A day off work tomorrow, even though I'm spending it on the kid

Day 145

Something learned:

Growing up, I was in a gifted academic program. It was a well known program, and I'm not exactly how, but even at that young age, it was drilled into me that "Gifted" was a dirty word of some kind. It reeks of elitism and engenders questions like "what makes you so special anyway?" that I had no ability to answer.

My mother just saw it as a bragging point. Testing is done on all school children by the education department, and no real action or involvement is required of parents. The extent of my parents involvement in my academics was to look at my report card have conversations like
Me: "I got second in math!"
Them: "Who got first?"

These days, "gifted" still feels like a dirty word. I've been asked why I put my kid in a school for the gifted, and I don't really know what to say. Because I don't have the ability to teach her to her fullest potential? Because I want her to be around adults who understand how to nurture giftedness and understand asynchrony (she can read chapter books but can't remember to sit still for 5 seconds)? Because I want her around kids who are her age, but who are interested in science shows or computers or philosophy? Saying any of that to another parent just gets interpreted as a put-down on their own child, or their school choices etc. This gets touchy really quickly.

So have I learned? That giftedness is a label, a useful one, but really, it's not an achievement, it's a diagnosis. I've also learned to be an advocate and seek out resources for my kid. And sadly, to watch where I discuss this.

Something I'd like to get better at:

To stop saying the words "you always..." It's inaccurate and dismissive to use that in an argument. I need to figure out how to retrain myself.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting in a good massage at work

2. Making progress on singing ‎Der Hölle Rache

3. Compliments on my manicure

4. Finally getting my new feature working

5. Seeing all the good press about my team's recent launch

Looking forward to: 

Mother's Day this weekend!

Day 144

Something learned:

Know your rights and think for yourself.

I grew up not having any concept of personal rights. I was always afraid of authority, they were always right, I was always wrong. My parents were constantly espousing the belief that you must do what you're told or there will be retribution. I was a rule-follower.

I remember my first job in the United States. A bunch of guys and me were standing around and one of them mentioned the phrase "money-shot", which I had never heard before. I asked him what it meant and a look of horror came over his face. All the other guys were snickering and hiding their laughter. He said that he couldn't say, because he didn't want to be sued for sexual harassment. I was baffled that he thought I had the power to do anything like that to him. It was years later, before I understood that I had the right to feel safe and comfortable, and that if someone else knowingly impinged on that, I could take action.

It's such a different world here from the one I grew up in.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Taking care of myself physically. I'm not sleeping or exercising enough. I'm racing everyday to complete all the mental or logistical things I want to accomplish or learn or practice. I need to want to make my health more of a priority.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Completing 20 items on my todo list. I can breathe again.

2. Getting a couple of awesome books from the library

3. Dinner tasting OK, despite my burning it and turning cheddar cheese brown.

4. Kid's art project for her teachers turning out pretty well, and she had fun doing it

5. Kid waking me up at 1am because I had fallen asleep on the couch trying to finish this blog post. She was seeking water.

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's stuff at Open House