Day 91

Something learned:

In Chinese, the words for mental illness translate as "spirit disease", as in ghostly spirits. Basically, mental issues are not well understood or tolerated. Either you were perfectly normal, or you were crazy, there was no social acceptance of any degree of mental struggles. No depression. No syndromes. No disorders. There is batshit insane (and locked up in an asylum), and there is normal (and you deal with everything yourself).

I remember first realizing this mentality of mine when talking to a friend in college in the US about a certain traumatic incident in my past, and he suggested seeking therapy for it. My instinctive reaction was, "A psychiatrist? That's only for crazy people!" I never did seek therapy for that issue, but it took me many years to work through it. Many destructive, emotionally wasted years.

Much later in life, I saw a counselor for the first time for a completely unrelated issue, and for a few weeks, I had a skilled, impartial professional guiding me through a rough period, helping me unravel the mental tangle I had gotten myself into. By then, my viewpoint on psychiatric therapy had done a complete reversal. It was brought into even sharper relief during a discussion I had with someone from home. It was about a person whose self-destructive symptoms were being treated, but not her depression, and it seemed obvious to me that it should be, but my conversation partner was not so convinced, and dismissed it as "holistic treatment" which back home is synonymous with "quack medicine".

I had come from a place where I thought I was so broken, and struggled to stay whole against the world. I found my strength inside of me, and understand now that the root of my happiness and sanity lie at a strong, integrated mental and emotional core. The difference is night and day, and I feel sad that so many dismiss psychiatric treatment as only for "completely insane people", while they struggle internally with their issues, that manifest in so many obstacles and limits against a happy and fulfilling life.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting space for the kid in Lego, Scratch and game design summer camps
2. Chocolate ice cream and Oreo chunks at work
3. All my work for this quarter's launch is out for review and it's still February
4. Finding out my lost credit card is safely at the restaurant

5. Hubby being willing set up the new Nest thermostat as well as retrieve my wayward credit card

Looking forward to:

Just booked a one night farmstay. W00t!