Day 154

Ok, so it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post. If I don't get back to it now, I might not ever get to 365!

Something learned:

People liked me when I was younger. I had less on my mind, and had more free mental cycles to reach out to people and connect with them. I think since becoming a parent, I've lost all my spare energy, and then some, and have turned into an introvert. I don't really like this side of me as much.

The lesson learned, is that to make/maintain/keep friends, you have to invest of yourself in the friendship, give attention and mental space.

(I'm not sure I know a clever, pithy way to phrase this, but this is the best my tired brain can come up with right now. Some day when I turn this blog into a book, I'll rewrite it in a much catchier way. Heh.)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Finding exercise that I enjoy. I find it so hard to stick to physical fitness. Running worked for a while. Now to run farther, I'm afraid that I need to learn how to run properly or I might injure myself or something.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting a medical billing issue resolved in my favor (amazing)
2. Despite horrific traffic, I made it to my destinations on time
3. Kid cheering up halfway through her TKD class
4. Getting a new chromecast for $25
5. Hubby making dinner

Looking forward to:

Dinner at a new restaurant this weekend to celebrate Hubby's birthday

Day 153

Something learned:

Gambling is about buying hope. Games are never set up to benefit the player. O used to say that gambling is a tax on the stupid. But hope can be a powerful thing. Hope of being rich. Hope of being lucky. Or maybe a delusion that you're smart enough to win. I think now that as long as you know what you're buying and you can afford it, why not.

Yes I know that there are ways to exploit games, but that's not really gambling anymore, since there is now the element of extra knowledge.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Remembering people's names. Unless I interact with someone on a daily basis, I tend to forget names. I hate getting stumped in conversation by this.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finishing my thick novel
2. Yummy buffalo jerky from Barstow
3. Spending time getting to know some coworkers better
4. Yummy seafood at the buffet
5. Watching Cirque du Soleil

Looking forward to:

Singaporean food!

Day 152

Something learned:

It is important to be aware of your own weakness and shortcomings to be able to prepare and compensate for them.

I had an incident today where I overestimated my ability, with disastrous results. I'm really depressed and upset with the world.. but I'll know better for next time.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping the big picture in mind. I focus so much on the details and getting through each day I think I've lost sight of where I'm going

Today I was thankful for:

1. Breakfast with hubby
2. Kim liking the song I chose for the recital
3. Sharon helping me pick up my package
4. Hubby picking up the kid after school so I could work
5. Successful nail art for my trip

Looking forward to:

Reading on the bus to Vegas. Can never find time to read at home.

Day 151

Something learned:

Don't treat people like computers.

I recently wrote a long message to our health benefits team about an insurance issue I was having. It was very detailed and they thanked me. A few messages later, I began to suspect that they had misread the dates I had typed, and the next message from them confirmed that I was right. I should have said something like "Note that the date is 2013, not 2014" even though the numbers were clearly there to be seen. It's only human right?

This lesson has also been learnt over years of trying to understand User Experience and User Interface design. Humans respond differently to different interface design. As a programmer, I've always felt that the most important thing was that the necessary information and functionality was available, not how they were presented. I've come to understand that this isn't true. A bad user interface will break a system.

Treat people like people.

Something I want to get better at:

Be more willing to take on things I don't know how to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband cleaning out the fish tank and getting a new cleaning system for it.
2. Having a treadmill desk at work so I could take a short walk after lunch while reading.
3. Finding some pain medication in the cabinet after I split my lip open while being a klutz.
4. Husband making dinner
5. Free movie rental

Looking forward to:

Watching a show with friends tomorrow night

Day 150

Something learned:

Delegation is a learned skill. It also means relinquishing control over a part of the process to others. But it's necessary. You can't do everything yourself. I try to delegate at home so that I'm not so busy. At work, without delegation we couldn't work as a team.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not getting distracted. Unless I've set myself a deadline, I feel like I keep straying to other things I want to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Seeing an out of town friend visiting at the office
2. Kid's friend's father tipping me off to the kid sneaking around to surprise me
3. Being stopped at the side of the road when a collision happened.. barely 20 feet away.
4. Husband making me a bowl of ice cream and pound cake
5. Getting about 30 items off my todo list.

Looking forward to:

Husband helping me out a little on his days off

Day 149

Something learned:

The best things in life are free. Being remembered and loved. Spending time with loved ones. Wish there was a way to hang on to these moments forever.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to have a life over more money. Then I see pictures of my family and remember that the answer is yes.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Trying to do less. I'm terrible at keeping things off my plate. My todo list inbox accumulated about 40 items over the weekend since I was too busy to process any of them away.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A Mother's Day card from the kid
2. A Mother's Day card and chocolates gift card from the husband
3. A fun exhausting day at Disneyland Resort
4. The kid saying multiple times that she had a good day
5. The kid buying $3 of sparkly hair bows because she found something in the store that she could afford with her saved allowance. So proud of her.

Looking forward to:

Work offsite later this week.

Day 148

Something learned:

By trying to be the person I want to be, I make it easier to explain to my child the person I want her to be.

I don't know how to justify "Do as I say not as I do". I can justify things that are not appropriate for her though, since she agrees that there are things she doesn't need to know about yet (e.g. war movies). And it's easy to provide examples for various explanations if I'm already doing them and she has seen it (e.g. practicing a new skill)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Developing creativity. I've been so focused on problem solving and skill development for years now, it's hard to remember I ever knew how to create.

Today I was thankful for

1. Hubby taking kid to swim class so I could prep for our trip
2. Trying the little Peruvian restaurant in the neighborhood for the first time and it was good
3. Pool fun with family
4. Yummy shrimp and grits at Downtown Disney
5. Discovering the delightful surprise firework wall in our hotel room

Looking forward to:

Mother's Day in Disneyland!

Day 147

Something learned:

I have nothing to prove. When I am enough for me, it no longer matters whether I think that others think less of me.

For example, I used to get mad when I see cars behind me switch lanes to pass me, then switch back on front of me. It's as though they're saying that they're more important than me, or that my car is inferior to theirs (in LA people identify strongly with their cars)

My reaction was more a reflection on my own insecurities. These days I care much less when it happens, and it surprised me at first.  But I've think I've stopped putting myself in competition with random strangers on the streets. I don't need to do so to feel better about myself. I'm good enough for me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Getting friends together more often. I miss hosting social events. But I let all sorts of obstacles stop me these days. I want a house filled with loved ones...

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to talk to some really nice folks at the kid's library
2. A dim sum lunch with the in-laws
3. Buying a couple of nice grownup dresses at 50% off
4. The kid picking out and successfully using a hairbrush by herself
5. Finding what appears to be a decent pair of kids sunglasses at REI

Looking forward to:

Staying at the Disneyland Hotel for the first time!

Day 146

Something learned:

You can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. Of the men I dated in my life, the ones who were good guys, had good friends. And as it turns out, my husband's friends are awesome. I came to believe that it is a pretty good indicator that if you don't like a person's friends, you wouldn't really like that person.

By the same vein, be careful about the company that you keep, for it reflects upon you.

Something I would like to get better at:

I wish I had better self discipline to do the things I think I should do. My limited store of willpower sometimes feels inaccessible. Wish I knew how to draw upon it more reliably and be everything I think I should be...

Today I was thankful for:

1. The gift of an awesome mug, even though it was meant as a prank
2. Managing to avoid the worst of the evening traffic
3. Getting to see my kid's portfolio from the past year at the open house
4. Friendly conversation with many of my kid's friend's parents
5. Foot rubs from my husband

Looking forward to:

A day off work tomorrow, even though I'm spending it on the kid

Day 145

Something learned:

Growing up, I was in a gifted academic program. It was a well known program, and I'm not exactly how, but even at that young age, it was drilled into me that "Gifted" was a dirty word of some kind. It reeks of elitism and engenders questions like "what makes you so special anyway?" that I had no ability to answer.

My mother just saw it as a bragging point. Testing is done on all school children by the education department, and no real action or involvement is required of parents. The extent of my parents involvement in my academics was to look at my report card have conversations like
Me: "I got second in math!"
Them: "Who got first?"

These days, "gifted" still feels like a dirty word. I've been asked why I put my kid in a school for the gifted, and I don't really know what to say. Because I don't have the ability to teach her to her fullest potential? Because I want her to be around adults who understand how to nurture giftedness and understand asynchrony (she can read chapter books but can't remember to sit still for 5 seconds)? Because I want her around kids who are her age, but who are interested in science shows or computers or philosophy? Saying any of that to another parent just gets interpreted as a put-down on their own child, or their school choices etc. This gets touchy really quickly.

So have I learned? That giftedness is a label, a useful one, but really, it's not an achievement, it's a diagnosis. I've also learned to be an advocate and seek out resources for my kid. And sadly, to watch where I discuss this.

Something I'd like to get better at:

To stop saying the words "you always..." It's inaccurate and dismissive to use that in an argument. I need to figure out how to retrain myself.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting in a good massage at work

2. Making progress on singing ‎Der Hölle Rache

3. Compliments on my manicure

4. Finally getting my new feature working

5. Seeing all the good press about my team's recent launch

Looking forward to: 

Mother's Day this weekend!

Day 144

Something learned:

Know your rights and think for yourself.

I grew up not having any concept of personal rights. I was always afraid of authority, they were always right, I was always wrong. My parents were constantly espousing the belief that you must do what you're told or there will be retribution. I was a rule-follower.

I remember my first job in the United States. A bunch of guys and me were standing around and one of them mentioned the phrase "money-shot", which I had never heard before. I asked him what it meant and a look of horror came over his face. All the other guys were snickering and hiding their laughter. He said that he couldn't say, because he didn't want to be sued for sexual harassment. I was baffled that he thought I had the power to do anything like that to him. It was years later, before I understood that I had the right to feel safe and comfortable, and that if someone else knowingly impinged on that, I could take action.

It's such a different world here from the one I grew up in.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Taking care of myself physically. I'm not sleeping or exercising enough. I'm racing everyday to complete all the mental or logistical things I want to accomplish or learn or practice. I need to want to make my health more of a priority.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Completing 20 items on my todo list. I can breathe again.

2. Getting a couple of awesome books from the library

3. Dinner tasting OK, despite my burning it and turning cheddar cheese brown.

4. Kid's art project for her teachers turning out pretty well, and she had fun doing it

5. Kid waking me up at 1am because I had fallen asleep on the couch trying to finish this blog post. She was seeking water.

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's stuff at Open House

Day 142 and 143

Ever notice that some days it's hard to do it all? Yesterday was a little like that.

Yesterday I was thankful for:

1. That I didn't spill too much gas on my favorite hoodie. Hopefully it can be saved.
2. Waking up and making it to the airport on time to go home
3. I didn't have to wait at all for a parking shuttle so I could head home quick
4. Chatting to a bunch of other parents at a birthday party
5. Seeing my in-laws for dinner

Something learned:

Learn people's names. When someone else makes the effort to learn my name, I feel a lot more respected. I try to do the same for others, though sometimes it's awkward to ask. It's worthwhile though. I sometimes even make a dossier of pictures and names to assist my unreliable memory.

Something I want to get better at:

I wish sometimes that I was more extroverted. It's so hard for me to go up to someone and start talking to them, even when I know them. I want to get better at connecting with folks.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting the house tidied up before leaving for work
2. Finding a bunch of cool books to buy at the kid's book fair
3. Meeting to kid's librarian in person
4. Hubby decorating some awesome shoes for the kid

5. Figuring out how much postage to use on a card without a weighing scale

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's reaction to her new shoes

Day 141

Something learned:

To improve you need to be able to critique your own work. To learn to critique your own work, you should practice giving feedback on others' work. This is what I found so valuable about writing workshops - learning to give constructive criticism. Learning to find the flaws in a work and figuring out how it could be done better. Applying that skill to your own work makes you a better craftsman., no matter the craft.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not being afraid to indulge my curiosity.

At the Memorial Day activities, I saw many white people in period dress and military uniforms. But there was one African American man in rags and chains and I was deeply curious about why he was participating in the reenactment. I was afraid to ask him though, either of offending him or starting an interaction that gets out of control.

I walked away but now I think I may have missed out on an opportunity to hear an interesting viewpoint on the whole affair, because of my fear.

Perhaps I'll remember this incident next time and choose differently.

Today I was thankful for

1. Getting to try southern BBQ
2. Seeing the unique sight of the Confederate Memorial Day activities.
3. Trying the South Carolina state snack of boiled peanuts
4. Driving a convertible with the top down
5. Yummy ribs from the hotel restaurant no less

Looking forward to:

Seeing my cousin

Day 140

Something learned:

When I run races, my brain starts freaking out because it has nothing to focus on and it can't help with the physical struggle that my body is going through at that moment.

At today's keynote speech, the speaker advises using "ridiculously short term goals" to build up to bigger goals. This works! During my runs, I stopped myself from going crazy by watching the watch and focusing on where I need to be in the next four minutes. The counting down distracts me enough to keep my feet moving.

It works to done extent with GTD too. By focusing on next actions, I am able to keep moving forward on projects.

Small goals work!

Something I would like to get better at:

Keeping an open mind. I've had people approach me with ideas, and it's all too easy for me to see problems or pitfalls. I let that obscure the potential value of the idea. I should get better at listening and seeing it from the positive side as well.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Inspiring keynote speeches
2. Taking a quick look at some awesome trees at a national park
3. Yummy soft shell crabs for dinner
4. Getting to walk through the Columbia Museum of Art for free
5. Realizing that I miss home because things that people get really excited about here, I already have at home.

Looking forward to:

Going home. Travel is good, home is even better. :)

Day 139

Something learned:

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

In that vein, you can't change a person. Nor should you try. He has to change for himself.

What you CAN do is to be a good example, and demonstrate the benefits of change. Give encouragement, not ultimatums. But that does not preclude you getting out of a relationship that is unhealthy for you. I left relationships with insecure, selfish, and just plain mentally ill men, because they did not want to help themselves and I will never change that.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I'm doing difficult things, but they are things I know I can do. I need to do more things I don't know how to do, and learn to conquer the confused floundering I suffer when I don't know how to break through the not-knowing.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to Columbia without any terrible travel disaster
2. Nice weather, warm and a little humid
3. Lots of friendly folks
4. Tasting yummy authentic Southern Low Country cuisine
5. Finding a geocache

Looking forward to:

Trying authentic Southern Q