Half year review

OK I admit defeat. My daily blogging exercise lasted about half a year, and was good while it lasted. But since we're now at the halfway point for 2014, I'd like to do some sort of year-so-far-in-review.

Something I did that I've never done before: Tried to milk a goat

Smartest decision made: I don't feel like I did anything unusually smart. but perhaps being realistic about my time constraints and declining to audition for the SM chorus. I needed to simplify my life.

One word that best sums up and describes my experience:

Most happy about completing: My 180+ day Duoligo streak studying Italian.

Biggest risk I took: Auditioned for a game show. Although I eventually chickened out. So maybe I'm not as much as a risk taker as I fancy myself.

Most grateful for: My family is happy and healthy.

Biggest achievement: I feel confident calling myself a singer now.

Wish I've done more of: Exercise

Wish I've done less of: Candy Crush.

What advice I'd give myself 6 months ago: Please exercise better judgement over you tell the kid. She IS still a kid. And sleep more. You're destroying your brain.

Zzzzz.... 

Day 160

Something learned:

I didn't grow up with pets. My parents hated animals, so I never got that dog I wanted. Well, I did have a couple of rabbits, but they were outdoor rabbits, so I never really bonded with them. I remember my best friend's dog dying many years ago, and I was completely mystified as to why. I probably said something insensitive like "you can always get another one."

Thankfully, I understand it a lot better now. I saw in later years how my adult brother got a dog and my mother would watch TV with it. After becoming a parent, I marveled at how a strong emotion could be built seemingly out of nowhere. When a friend lost her cat a few days ago, I was able to explain it to my child in a way that she understood, and also was able to sympathize with the pain of losing an animal.

I don't think being a pet owner is an exact equivalent to parenting, but it's clear to me that the loss of a pet is a deep, authentic pain, and that was a big lesson to me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Gardening. I've always dreamed of growing fruits and vegetables, but I seem to keep killing the ones I have....

Today I was thankful for:

1. Introducing some family to hot pot and having them love it
2. A kid artist at the chalk festival taking on my kid as an apprentice for a few minutes. She was hooked!
3. A phone call from an aunt who offered some help with something I'd complained about on Facebook
4.Kid having fun with her grandparents' neighbor's kid
5. Great day spent with family

Looking forward to:

My new moringa tree growing nice and strong. I tried hard this time :)

Day 159

Something learned:

As a compliment, I've always felt that "You must be really smart" indicates a fixed mindset -- that my success is due to some inborn traits. I don't agree. I've had my share of failures, and I've seen that my successes were due to willingness to take a chance, accompanied by hard work. I enjoy hearing "Great job" much more, since it also implies that the speaker has observed and is impressed by the quality of the work I've done.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping in touch with people. I think I'm becoming more introverted as the years go by. I often don't actually want to commit to social events. It's hard to maintain friendships that way... even though I want to keep my friends.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting the last thing I need to grow a tree on my deck :)
2. Finding a bee rescue company that I can call or recommend next time. I hate the bees dying
3. Kid performing in her magic show despite her earlier fears
4. Getting some good work done while the kid played quietly in my office
5. Lots of good input from friends about potential places to live

Looking forward to:

Wedding anniversary next week!

My challenges of parenting

Parenting is hard, but everyone has different challenges. Over the past couple of years, I've learned about what makes my kid unique, and how best to support those differences. Right now, my biggest challenges with those differences are:

• Overcoming perfectionism - she fears failure so much that she sometimes can't get started at all. She has a hard time attempting something she isn't 100% confident of doing successfully. She is her own worst enemy.
• Teaching grit - when things come easily to her, it's hard to show her the value of practice and perseverance, which will make or break her future endeavors.
• Sensitivities - her sensitivities are extreme, much more so than most kids, because she is capable of such depth of feeling and seeing such a big picture, being mentally mature before her emotional maturity has caught up. I'm constantly on the watch for meltdowns.
• Humility - People hate a braggart, and while they adore sports superstars, they abhor intellectual prowess, she doesn't understand yet why she has to be sensitive to this. I've been sensitized to this myself over my lifetime and it makes me a little sad to have to protect her from this as well. 
• Allowing her to fulfill her potential - it is my responsibility to seek opportunities, to engage, to guide, to advocate. I have no role model for this, and sometimes feel like I'm barely treading water on this.

On why I choose the school I did

Over the past year, when meeting parents of other school-aged children, I usually get asked which school my daughter attends. On finding out that she attends a private school, I usually get asked next "Why did you choose that school?"

That was a difficult question to answer. I was fairly systematic in my approach. I found a large geographical region that was feasible for us to commute to, then listed all the private schools in that area, of which I think there were about 30. We must have visited more than half of these. Eventually, we applied to 9 that I thought were a reasonable fit for our education philosophy. In hindsight, only a handful of those really fit.

After a year of reflection, I think what eventually sold me the most on the school that she currently attends, over all the others, was the fact that every school was evaluating her on whether she met their minimum standards for attending, where as, her school evaluated her on how much she knew and her potential. There is a very big difference.

In the other schools, they were checking to see if she could recreate a block pattern that they showed her. They don't want her to slow the rest of the kindergarten class down by not being able to keep up. They said things like "It doesn't matter whether your child is reading yet when they start school, they all catch up to each other around 3rd grade." How? By neglecting the early readers to focus on the later ones?

In her school, they took her away for a private interview without the parents. When we were allowed to enter, I was stunned to see sheets of paper on the table with extremely detailed drawings, and with a veritable essay written on it in my kid's handwriting.

I didn't want a school that would herd her along and made sure that all the stragglers crossed the finish line. I wanted a school that let their students run at full speed and would race alongside with them.

Day 158

Something learned:

Time vs money.

"Time is money is a common saying" but it has little meaning to a kid with plenty of time and not much way of generating money with it. These days though, I can take my annual salary and divide it by my hours worked and come up with a rough estimate of what my time could be worth.

It helps puts into perspective the choices of what I do with my time. It makes me feel better about farming out some things to other people to buy back some time for myself, because it's actually cheaper to hire someone else than to spend my own time on it.

In the end, though, it's about sanity. I'm still learning how to ensure that I continue to have my own down time, and my kid now too. But I guess the value of downtime is a different lesson.

Something I'd like to get better at:

To be more willing to ask people questions when I don't understand, instead of trying to look it up later in private.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to visit E3 with the husband
2. Playing some fun games at E3
3. Husband taking care of a phone call that neither of us wanted to make
4. Husband taking the kid out to Fry's while I napped
5. Finally tackling a basket of paperwork to file and actually getting most of it done painlessly

Looking forward to:

Kid doing a magic performance on Friday

Day 157

Something learned:

"If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back." ~ Regina Bratt

I have problems, but I'm dealing with them. A sick relative. Difficulty of keeping in touch with distant family and friends. Worrying about achieving dreams before I die. If these are my worst problems, I'm very very thankful.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Finding gifts for people. I know my husband so well, and already I struggle with gifts for him, let alone other people. I just don't seem to know how to find good gifts.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Successfully doing 50 situps this morning
2. My singing coach telling me that I did a good job on Holle Rache.
3. Making it to the kid's camp on time despite traffic
4. Kid playing quietly in my office allowing me to get in 3 hours of work.
5. Husband making dinner since I came home late.

Looking forward to:

Picking up a new hobby after my singing lessons wind down. The world is full of possibilities!

Day 156

Something learned:

"If you live life without margins, you'll be subject to it's whims." I read this in an article and it was the best articulation of why I always try to do things ahead of time.

The way I see it, if something is due on Friday, and I wait till Thursday to do it. I will miss 100% of the opportunities that may come up on Thursday. If I start work on the task as early as I can, I keep open the possibility of taking up opportunities that come my way during the week. Or if an emergency arises on Thursday, then it all gets disrupted.

This philosophy seems obvious to me, but my evangelism efforts seldom succeed. Sigh.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Italian. I've been trying to study it for more than half my lifetime. One would think I would be a little better at it by now.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Being able to get my abs workout done this morning before the family woke up
2. My new inexpensive infinity scarf working quite well as a shrug
3. Finding the book I wanted at the library
4. Hubby making Linguine con Vongole for dinner
5. Seeing some of the Roman sights I love in the movie "The Great Beauty"

Looking forward to:

My singing recital this weekend

Day 155

Something learned:

Voting is a privilege. And it's hard work.

I don't like just voting along party lines, but my choices can have real consequences that I have no ability to predict from spending a few minutes reading about a person.

I hate all the advertising material I get before an election though. I've started not even looking at any of it. It's too much work to separate the lies from the truth.

I feel the weight of the responsibility, and more so in these local elections, where there's a low voter turnout, so my vote carries more influence. I worked hard to earn this right to vote, so I make the effort to vote in every election that I can. I am saddened by the low serial number on my stub, that so many other people just take this privilege for granted.

There was a time when chinese people were not allowed to vote. There was also a time when women could not vote. Neither of those are true today, and I will not squander this opportunity.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Blogging consistently. I'm finally starting to fall asleep at a decent hour. Maybe my body has had enough of late nights. But as a result, since I like blogging at the end of my day, I keep falling asleep before I get around to blogging. I'm going to give myself a time to do it and stick to that.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Caliber Collision fixing my window seal for free and in about 10 minutes
2. $10 car wash special at work
3. Ella giving the kid a lovely pink Android tee that was too small for her
4. Being able to vote
5. Husband making dinner

Looking forward to:

Kid's last day of her first year of school tomorrow.

Day 154

Ok, so it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post. If I don't get back to it now, I might not ever get to 365!

Something learned:

People liked me when I was younger. I had less on my mind, and had more free mental cycles to reach out to people and connect with them. I think since becoming a parent, I've lost all my spare energy, and then some, and have turned into an introvert. I don't really like this side of me as much.

The lesson learned, is that to make/maintain/keep friends, you have to invest of yourself in the friendship, give attention and mental space.

(I'm not sure I know a clever, pithy way to phrase this, but this is the best my tired brain can come up with right now. Some day when I turn this blog into a book, I'll rewrite it in a much catchier way. Heh.)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Finding exercise that I enjoy. I find it so hard to stick to physical fitness. Running worked for a while. Now to run farther, I'm afraid that I need to learn how to run properly or I might injure myself or something.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting a medical billing issue resolved in my favor (amazing)
2. Despite horrific traffic, I made it to my destinations on time
3. Kid cheering up halfway through her TKD class
4. Getting a new chromecast for $25
5. Hubby making dinner

Looking forward to:

Dinner at a new restaurant this weekend to celebrate Hubby's birthday

Day 153

Something learned:

Gambling is about buying hope. Games are never set up to benefit the player. O used to say that gambling is a tax on the stupid. But hope can be a powerful thing. Hope of being rich. Hope of being lucky. Or maybe a delusion that you're smart enough to win. I think now that as long as you know what you're buying and you can afford it, why not.

Yes I know that there are ways to exploit games, but that's not really gambling anymore, since there is now the element of extra knowledge.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Remembering people's names. Unless I interact with someone on a daily basis, I tend to forget names. I hate getting stumped in conversation by this.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finishing my thick novel
2. Yummy buffalo jerky from Barstow
3. Spending time getting to know some coworkers better
4. Yummy seafood at the buffet
5. Watching Cirque du Soleil

Looking forward to:

Singaporean food!

Day 152

Something learned:

It is important to be aware of your own weakness and shortcomings to be able to prepare and compensate for them.

I had an incident today where I overestimated my ability, with disastrous results. I'm really depressed and upset with the world.. but I'll know better for next time.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping the big picture in mind. I focus so much on the details and getting through each day I think I've lost sight of where I'm going

Today I was thankful for:

1. Breakfast with hubby
2. Kim liking the song I chose for the recital
3. Sharon helping me pick up my package
4. Hubby picking up the kid after school so I could work
5. Successful nail art for my trip

Looking forward to:

Reading on the bus to Vegas. Can never find time to read at home.

Day 151

Something learned:

Don't treat people like computers.

I recently wrote a long message to our health benefits team about an insurance issue I was having. It was very detailed and they thanked me. A few messages later, I began to suspect that they had misread the dates I had typed, and the next message from them confirmed that I was right. I should have said something like "Note that the date is 2013, not 2014" even though the numbers were clearly there to be seen. It's only human right?

This lesson has also been learnt over years of trying to understand User Experience and User Interface design. Humans respond differently to different interface design. As a programmer, I've always felt that the most important thing was that the necessary information and functionality was available, not how they were presented. I've come to understand that this isn't true. A bad user interface will break a system.

Treat people like people.

Something I want to get better at:

Be more willing to take on things I don't know how to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband cleaning out the fish tank and getting a new cleaning system for it.
2. Having a treadmill desk at work so I could take a short walk after lunch while reading.
3. Finding some pain medication in the cabinet after I split my lip open while being a klutz.
4. Husband making dinner
5. Free movie rental

Looking forward to:

Watching a show with friends tomorrow night

Day 150

Something learned:

Delegation is a learned skill. It also means relinquishing control over a part of the process to others. But it's necessary. You can't do everything yourself. I try to delegate at home so that I'm not so busy. At work, without delegation we couldn't work as a team.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not getting distracted. Unless I've set myself a deadline, I feel like I keep straying to other things I want to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Seeing an out of town friend visiting at the office
2. Kid's friend's father tipping me off to the kid sneaking around to surprise me
3. Being stopped at the side of the road when a collision happened.. barely 20 feet away.
4. Husband making me a bowl of ice cream and pound cake
5. Getting about 30 items off my todo list.

Looking forward to:

Husband helping me out a little on his days off

Day 149

Something learned:

The best things in life are free. Being remembered and loved. Spending time with loved ones. Wish there was a way to hang on to these moments forever.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to have a life over more money. Then I see pictures of my family and remember that the answer is yes.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Trying to do less. I'm terrible at keeping things off my plate. My todo list inbox accumulated about 40 items over the weekend since I was too busy to process any of them away.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A Mother's Day card from the kid
2. A Mother's Day card and chocolates gift card from the husband
3. A fun exhausting day at Disneyland Resort
4. The kid saying multiple times that she had a good day
5. The kid buying $3 of sparkly hair bows because she found something in the store that she could afford with her saved allowance. So proud of her.

Looking forward to:

Work offsite later this week.

Day 148

Something learned:

By trying to be the person I want to be, I make it easier to explain to my child the person I want her to be.

I don't know how to justify "Do as I say not as I do". I can justify things that are not appropriate for her though, since she agrees that there are things she doesn't need to know about yet (e.g. war movies). And it's easy to provide examples for various explanations if I'm already doing them and she has seen it (e.g. practicing a new skill)

Something I'd like to get better at:

Developing creativity. I've been so focused on problem solving and skill development for years now, it's hard to remember I ever knew how to create.

Today I was thankful for

1. Hubby taking kid to swim class so I could prep for our trip
2. Trying the little Peruvian restaurant in the neighborhood for the first time and it was good
3. Pool fun with family
4. Yummy shrimp and grits at Downtown Disney
5. Discovering the delightful surprise firework wall in our hotel room

Looking forward to:

Mother's Day in Disneyland!

Day 147

Something learned:

I have nothing to prove. When I am enough for me, it no longer matters whether I think that others think less of me.

For example, I used to get mad when I see cars behind me switch lanes to pass me, then switch back on front of me. It's as though they're saying that they're more important than me, or that my car is inferior to theirs (in LA people identify strongly with their cars)

My reaction was more a reflection on my own insecurities. These days I care much less when it happens, and it surprised me at first.  But I've think I've stopped putting myself in competition with random strangers on the streets. I don't need to do so to feel better about myself. I'm good enough for me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Getting friends together more often. I miss hosting social events. But I let all sorts of obstacles stop me these days. I want a house filled with loved ones...

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to talk to some really nice folks at the kid's library
2. A dim sum lunch with the in-laws
3. Buying a couple of nice grownup dresses at 50% off
4. The kid picking out and successfully using a hairbrush by herself
5. Finding what appears to be a decent pair of kids sunglasses at REI

Looking forward to:

Staying at the Disneyland Hotel for the first time!

Day 146

Something learned:

You can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. Of the men I dated in my life, the ones who were good guys, had good friends. And as it turns out, my husband's friends are awesome. I came to believe that it is a pretty good indicator that if you don't like a person's friends, you wouldn't really like that person.

By the same vein, be careful about the company that you keep, for it reflects upon you.

Something I would like to get better at:

I wish I had better self discipline to do the things I think I should do. My limited store of willpower sometimes feels inaccessible. Wish I knew how to draw upon it more reliably and be everything I think I should be...

Today I was thankful for:

1. The gift of an awesome mug, even though it was meant as a prank
2. Managing to avoid the worst of the evening traffic
3. Getting to see my kid's portfolio from the past year at the open house
4. Friendly conversation with many of my kid's friend's parents
5. Foot rubs from my husband

Looking forward to:

A day off work tomorrow, even though I'm spending it on the kid

Day 145

Something learned:

Growing up, I was in a gifted academic program. It was a well known program, and I'm not exactly how, but even at that young age, it was drilled into me that "Gifted" was a dirty word of some kind. It reeks of elitism and engenders questions like "what makes you so special anyway?" that I had no ability to answer.

My mother just saw it as a bragging point. Testing is done on all school children by the education department, and no real action or involvement is required of parents. The extent of my parents involvement in my academics was to look at my report card have conversations like
Me: "I got second in math!"
Them: "Who got first?"

These days, "gifted" still feels like a dirty word. I've been asked why I put my kid in a school for the gifted, and I don't really know what to say. Because I don't have the ability to teach her to her fullest potential? Because I want her to be around adults who understand how to nurture giftedness and understand asynchrony (she can read chapter books but can't remember to sit still for 5 seconds)? Because I want her around kids who are her age, but who are interested in science shows or computers or philosophy? Saying any of that to another parent just gets interpreted as a put-down on their own child, or their school choices etc. This gets touchy really quickly.

So have I learned? That giftedness is a label, a useful one, but really, it's not an achievement, it's a diagnosis. I've also learned to be an advocate and seek out resources for my kid. And sadly, to watch where I discuss this.

Something I'd like to get better at:

To stop saying the words "you always..." It's inaccurate and dismissive to use that in an argument. I need to figure out how to retrain myself.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting in a good massage at work

2. Making progress on singing ‎Der Hölle Rache

3. Compliments on my manicure

4. Finally getting my new feature working

5. Seeing all the good press about my team's recent launch

Looking forward to: 

Mother's Day this weekend!

Day 144

Something learned:

Know your rights and think for yourself.

I grew up not having any concept of personal rights. I was always afraid of authority, they were always right, I was always wrong. My parents were constantly espousing the belief that you must do what you're told or there will be retribution. I was a rule-follower.

I remember my first job in the United States. A bunch of guys and me were standing around and one of them mentioned the phrase "money-shot", which I had never heard before. I asked him what it meant and a look of horror came over his face. All the other guys were snickering and hiding their laughter. He said that he couldn't say, because he didn't want to be sued for sexual harassment. I was baffled that he thought I had the power to do anything like that to him. It was years later, before I understood that I had the right to feel safe and comfortable, and that if someone else knowingly impinged on that, I could take action.

It's such a different world here from the one I grew up in.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Taking care of myself physically. I'm not sleeping or exercising enough. I'm racing everyday to complete all the mental or logistical things I want to accomplish or learn or practice. I need to want to make my health more of a priority.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Completing 20 items on my todo list. I can breathe again.

2. Getting a couple of awesome books from the library

3. Dinner tasting OK, despite my burning it and turning cheddar cheese brown.

4. Kid's art project for her teachers turning out pretty well, and she had fun doing it

5. Kid waking me up at 1am because I had fallen asleep on the couch trying to finish this blog post. She was seeking water.

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's stuff at Open House

Day 142 and 143

Ever notice that some days it's hard to do it all? Yesterday was a little like that.

Yesterday I was thankful for:

1. That I didn't spill too much gas on my favorite hoodie. Hopefully it can be saved.
2. Waking up and making it to the airport on time to go home
3. I didn't have to wait at all for a parking shuttle so I could head home quick
4. Chatting to a bunch of other parents at a birthday party
5. Seeing my in-laws for dinner

Something learned:

Learn people's names. When someone else makes the effort to learn my name, I feel a lot more respected. I try to do the same for others, though sometimes it's awkward to ask. It's worthwhile though. I sometimes even make a dossier of pictures and names to assist my unreliable memory.

Something I want to get better at:

I wish sometimes that I was more extroverted. It's so hard for me to go up to someone and start talking to them, even when I know them. I want to get better at connecting with folks.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting the house tidied up before leaving for work
2. Finding a bunch of cool books to buy at the kid's book fair
3. Meeting to kid's librarian in person
4. Hubby decorating some awesome shoes for the kid

5. Figuring out how much postage to use on a card without a weighing scale

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's reaction to her new shoes

Day 141

Something learned:

To improve you need to be able to critique your own work. To learn to critique your own work, you should practice giving feedback on others' work. This is what I found so valuable about writing workshops - learning to give constructive criticism. Learning to find the flaws in a work and figuring out how it could be done better. Applying that skill to your own work makes you a better craftsman., no matter the craft.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not being afraid to indulge my curiosity.

At the Memorial Day activities, I saw many white people in period dress and military uniforms. But there was one African American man in rags and chains and I was deeply curious about why he was participating in the reenactment. I was afraid to ask him though, either of offending him or starting an interaction that gets out of control.

I walked away but now I think I may have missed out on an opportunity to hear an interesting viewpoint on the whole affair, because of my fear.

Perhaps I'll remember this incident next time and choose differently.

Today I was thankful for

1. Getting to try southern BBQ
2. Seeing the unique sight of the Confederate Memorial Day activities.
3. Trying the South Carolina state snack of boiled peanuts
4. Driving a convertible with the top down
5. Yummy ribs from the hotel restaurant no less

Looking forward to:

Seeing my cousin

Day 140

Something learned:

When I run races, my brain starts freaking out because it has nothing to focus on and it can't help with the physical struggle that my body is going through at that moment.

At today's keynote speech, the speaker advises using "ridiculously short term goals" to build up to bigger goals. This works! During my runs, I stopped myself from going crazy by watching the watch and focusing on where I need to be in the next four minutes. The counting down distracts me enough to keep my feet moving.

It works to done extent with GTD too. By focusing on next actions, I am able to keep moving forward on projects.

Small goals work!

Something I would like to get better at:

Keeping an open mind. I've had people approach me with ideas, and it's all too easy for me to see problems or pitfalls. I let that obscure the potential value of the idea. I should get better at listening and seeing it from the positive side as well.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Inspiring keynote speeches
2. Taking a quick look at some awesome trees at a national park
3. Yummy soft shell crabs for dinner
4. Getting to walk through the Columbia Museum of Art for free
5. Realizing that I miss home because things that people get really excited about here, I already have at home.

Looking forward to:

Going home. Travel is good, home is even better. :)

Day 139

Something learned:

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

In that vein, you can't change a person. Nor should you try. He has to change for himself.

What you CAN do is to be a good example, and demonstrate the benefits of change. Give encouragement, not ultimatums. But that does not preclude you getting out of a relationship that is unhealthy for you. I left relationships with insecure, selfish, and just plain mentally ill men, because they did not want to help themselves and I will never change that.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I'm doing difficult things, but they are things I know I can do. I need to do more things I don't know how to do, and learn to conquer the confused floundering I suffer when I don't know how to break through the not-knowing.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to Columbia without any terrible travel disaster
2. Nice weather, warm and a little humid
3. Lots of friendly folks
4. Tasting yummy authentic Southern Low Country cuisine
5. Finding a geocache

Looking forward to:

Trying authentic Southern Q

Day 138

Something learned:

I sometimes wonder if it is a personality trait or a personal shortcoming that I don't aspire to move up the corporate ladder and become less of a personal contributor and more of a strategic leader.

I really just don't WANT to. And maybe I'll regret it in thirty years. I sometimes look back on the opportunities I've had over the years and mentally kick myself for not taking them. But if I were honest, I am probably happier today for it, albeit with a slightly less illustrious career.

I chose happiness.

Something I want to get better at:

Making an impact. In the same vein as yesterday's thread, I spend a lot of energy looking inwards towards my nuclear family. For my sake and to set an example for my kids, I want to start looking outward a little more.

I donate money to a few causes. I try to be an ethical consumer. Surely there is more I can do though.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting everything I needed to do done before leaving.
2. A supportive hubby who let's me get away once a year for these conferences.
3. First floor parking in the airport garage.
4. TSA Precheck making airport security tolerable again.
5. On time departure. In an hour. I hope :)

Looking forward to:

A bed to myself for the next few days :)

Day 137

Something learned:

Find purpose, stay alive.

More often than not, life can be hard. I consider the tough times an inextricable part of life. But I found myself reasons for living, and they're enough. What else is there otherwise? It's important to stay alive.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Leadership. I'm so focused on my own life and my family, that I hardly consider my impact beyond that sphere. Some days it feels a little selfish, and that it behooves to me to think bigger.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A gift of 3 yummy mangoes from Scott
2. Lots of free stuff from work
3. Not being as wilfully inept a singer as Florence Jenkins
4. The kid eating kale after learning how to make kale chips
5. Warm weather is coming back

Looking forward to:

Flying first class on the red eye tomorrow night!

Day 136

Something learned:

There was a time in my life when I was much angrier. I let things that annoy or irritate me capture my attention. I would give vent to anger, cuss, and let the negative emotion permeate. After a couple of years of this, I decided that I had a choice not to let myself be poisoned by my own anger.

I still get angry every now and then. but after I acknowledge the cause and my own reaction, I am usually able to release it and recover completely. My anger is usually an emotional, not a logical, response, and I think that when I am aware of it, I disarm it.

I've chosen not to give any power to anger. Life's too short to spend any of it in rancor. Don't Be Angry.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Cryptics. Last weekend's puzzle hunt had a puzzle that was half cryptics half sudoku, and Myles solved the first half as effortlessly as I did the latter half. I couldn't even pipe up with any answer suggestions because my jaw was on the ground.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Having enough points to redeem for $50 worth of free gift cards.
2. Finally getting my code to work. 2 weeks of struggling, and now it's working!
3. Kid getting invited to a playdate.
4. Kid enjoying a nature documentary about the Honey Badger.

5. Blogger saving the draft of this blog post before Chrome crashed.

Looking forward to:

Learning to sing the Queen of the Night aria. I never thought I'd get excited about opera :)

Day 135

Something learned:

Eat properly.

It sometimes saddens me how much more effort it takes for me to eat now than say, twenty years ago. But then again, in a typical day back then, I would have chocolate eclairs for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and sweet drinks right before bed. So hopefully I am actually doing a better job now.

It kind of blows my mind how complicated choosing food can be. Read labels. Buy organic. Shop ethically. Avoid fast food. Environmentally friendly choices. Michael Pollan's Food Rules had a big impact on me. So have exposés of industrial farming and the FDA.

I wonder if doctors quizzing me on my medical history wonder if I'm lying -- no caffeine, no alcohol, no tobacco. I figure I'd like to be as healthy for as long as I can. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Making my loved ones feel loved. It's too easy to let the business of living distract me. I think I used to be better at this when I was younger. Perhaps I just thought more of others back then, and less about all my responsibilities, which also admittedly numbered fewer back then.

Today I was thankful for:

1. That I hadn't yet turned the kid's Sea Shepherd 4T shirt into a quilt square so that she could wear it to school for Earth Day.
2. Getting a 60% speed up with some tweaking I did on one page of the project. Optimization isn't my strong suit.
3. Having a bowl of instant noodles to satisfy MSG cravings, even if my stomach wasn't happy later. Won't be repeating that soon...
4. Kid having a good day at school, behavior-wise.
5. MJ inviting us to camp at Idyllwild even though we couldn't make it. It's nice to be invited.

Looking forward to:

Puzzle hunt this weekend!

Day 134

I've been having trouble getting back into the rhythm of blogging (obviously). Can't give up though.

Something learned:

I've learned to stop holding on to anger. Anger wastes my limited emotional resources on something that doesn't benefit me at all.  I have no lack of positive motivation. I work at authentic conflict resolution so I won't hold grudges.

Even if I still lose my temper on some occasions, I continue to strive to walk away from triggers, acknowledge and release any anger that does arise, or just remember that certain things don't matter enough to be angry over. I am the primary party who who benefits, it seems like the no-brainer choice.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Conversation. My socials skills are rusty and I forget that the purpose of talking to people is connection. Perhaps it's time to force myself to spend more time with people that I don't know well.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Managing to clean up the house in an hour this morning

2. Remembering in time to stop off and drop off the money I owed Christina.

3. That bumping the curb didn't seem to do any damage to my hubcap 

4. Getting to the kid's school, TKD class, and violin class, all on time.

5. Kid liking broccoli enough to eat the last of it.

Looking forward to:

Visiting South Carolina for the first time next week!

Day 133

Something learned:

Fairness is not everyone getting the same thing, it's everyone getting what they need.

I think this concept is illustrated quite well here.. http://www.portlandoregon.gov/oehr/article/449547?

I sometimes hear people who belong to the majority of a group question why there are special things for the minorities. E.g. at college, someone actually asked why all the foreign students had societies, e.g. the Singaporean Students Society, but the American students could not. Or why there needs to be so much attention focused on generating female interest in math or science, or the game industry.

I am sure this explanation will come in handy at some point when my kid screams "that's not fair!" but then again... sometimes the right response to that will be that "Life isn't fair." But that's a lesson for another day!

Edit to add: Looks like I've posted on this before. Well, this picture helps my understanding of it so I've learned more!

Something I'd like to get better at:

Sleeping. I can't seem to get myself to bed at a reasonable time. Ironically, I am late posting this because I was tired and went to bed "early" and I hadn't posted yet. But outside of that I wish I could figure out a consistent going to bed schedule. I wake up naturally often enough, but too often I have to exhaust myself before falling asleep.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Lots of chocolate and plastic eggs from the easter egg hunt at work (my co-hunter does not like chocolate)
2. Meeting a previously FB-only friend in person, and managing to salvage the visit despite some initial disappointment
3. Despite being delayed by massive traffic, we were still the first ones arriving for TKD class.
4. Yummy home-made cheese fondue with the family (despite the kid disagreeing)
5. Husband putting away the dishes and fixing me chocolate ice cream

Looking forward to:

Getting through my audition callback on Friday. I don't want to do it, but that's precisely the reason I'm making myself do it. Builds character to be able to do your best even when you don't want to, doesn't it?

Day 132

Something learned:

"The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you."

I was feeling awful and like a failure, when this quote popped up in my stream.

I have tried to and continue try to live my life the best way I can. I am bound to make some mistakes. If someone chooses to make me bad over it, that's on them, not on me. Hearing this, it was much easier for me to let go of my upset.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Kindness. Of all the qualities, I think this is most important for me to develop.

Today I was thankful for:

1. I had 2 phone errands to make, and both turned out to be quick and easy.
2. What I thought was a privacy issue with my photos turned out to be working correctly
3. At least being within sight of the bus stop when the kid's bus arrived early.
4. Successfully teaching the kid the Archimedes Principle and the 2x table.
5. Hubby giving me some of his really yummy beef jerky.

Looking forward to:

Easter egg hunt at work tomorrow!

Back to business

Honestly, I don't know if I paused blogging because I was feeling so overwhelmed in life and generally feeling crappy, or if the lack of taking gratitude contributed to me feeling crappy.

But it's time to start back up again. I haven't quite stabilized my sleeping pattern yet, but I need to stop making excuses.

Blogging break

Gonna take a few days break from the blog. Sleep schedule got out of whack and my brain is fried. Be back real soon!

Day 130 & 131

Daily posting is hard when I'm travelling with my family. Since I spent last night in an Airstream trailer, I wasn't able to update last night.

Yesterday I was thankful for:

1. Umami burger for lunch
2. Bulgarini Gelato for dessert
3. Husband grilling an awesome dinner for us
4. Staying in a really cool Airstream trailer on a goat farm
5. Watching a hilarious but appropriately ruminant-themed movie, "Artois the Goat"

Today I was thankful for:

1. Learning to milk goats
2. Amazing fresh goat cheese, goat milk yogurt and goat milk for breakfast
3. Getting a phone call from my aunt
4. Getting an email from my sibling
5. An afternoon of Minecraft with my kid

Something learned:

Savor life. I've spent enough time watching people who are unhappy with life to be determined that I live life as best as I possibly can, while I can. You do only live once -- using YOLO as an excuse for taking silly risks just tarnishes that sentiment.

A number of years ago, I was in a car accident that I thought should have killed me. Looking back, even if I had known I was going to die that day, I wouldn't have lived my life any differently. That is how I try to live every day. The day I die will come some day, after all. I'm just not going to wait till I know when it's coming, before living right.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Controlling my temper. Despite knowing better, I still lose my temper. I'd like it to be more than just a personality trait, and that I can learn to be better than that.

Looking forward to:

I would like to take Musical Theatre classes some day.

Day 129

Something learned:

I used to think that the most important ingredient for success was a good idea. In the years since, I've learned that good ideas are plentiful. Success, however, still depends on so many other factors.

Turning an idea into a reality is a probably the biggest stumbling block of all. The last 1% of a project takes 99% of the effort. Those who are able to ship a finished product richly deserve their success. In particular, for job interviews, we are told most of all to look for people who are able to "get things done."

Marketing is also vital to success. I thought that the value of something should be apparent without having to be explicitly pointed out, but it turns out that people need to be sold to.

Having a great idea is no promise of a fortune.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Not letting the dishes pile up at home. It's a terrible habit of mine to not finish the dishes before going to bed.

Today I was thankful for:

1. I fell asleep on the couch last night. Good thing our couch is comfy.
2. Kid went on big field trip at camp and didn't get lost!
3. My coworker who brought my badge down to me when I left the office without it and couldn't get back in.
4. My chocolate stash.
5. My ice cream stash

Looking forward to:

Staying in an Airstream on a goat farm. This should be exciting!

Day 128

Something learned:

Treat the disease, not the symptom. When solving a problem, it's important to address why the problem is happening, rather than just compensating for the effects. I think that doing this on a constant basis will result in a much smoother and effective life.

This is one of my jobs in this family. I set up reminders so we don't run out of stuff, or forget to do routine house/life maintenance. I set up systems to prevent problems from repeating. Someday, perhaps it'll be completely automated and I can just RELAX.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Sleep. I keep trying and failing to let myself sleep enough.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Making it to the omelet station in the nick of time before breakfast closed
2. Getting a free beach first aid kit from our on site nurse today
3. Finding out that my kid's new TKD master had taught Chuck Norris before. :)
4. Husband fixing the fish tank filter so I didn't have to touch nasty smelly stuff
5. A quiet evening of Minecraft by myself.

Looking forward to:

Ballroom dancing again. I miss it. It's been almost 6 years now since I stopped. I need to find a place to go.

Day 127

Something learned:

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

It matters less what you do, than how you do it. Success can be found in all roles, and it's up to you to choose those roles and define your success for each of those roles. When you know what you're aiming for, then it's much easier to see the path to success, though it doesn't necessarily make the path any easier. But at least you can head in the right direction.

Something I want to get better at:

Maintaining contact with my friends. Focusing on work, parenting and self-development, leaves little attention remaining for time with friends. But it's time spent together that's the glue of friendship.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband dropping the kid off at camp
2. The kid reading an entire book (albeit 67 pages) in an hour.
3. Our choral performance going well, despite only a week of preparation
4. Husband making dinner with the kid
5. Finding half a bar of chocolate to satisfy my cravings

Looking forward to:

Someday going back to Italy. Seeing Rome, as well as a lot of other cities.

Day 126

Something learned:

Truly accepting and loving yourself is the best defense against the world.

Watching Wil Wheaton's speech about understanding how hurtful words are a reflection of the other person and not yourself ( http://youtu.be/yMrIrYzdybw?t=1m30s ) just brings it home to me, that if your love for yourself doesn't come from inside you, then you're seeking it from outside, which leaves you vulnerable to mean words like that.

Something I want to get better at:

I want to understand art. I haven't figured out a good definition of art yet.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting in some Zumba time in the morning

2. Making a new mom friend at the kid's TKD class

3. Husband getting home safely

4. Husband cooking dinner

5. Finally watching the HIMYM finale, even though it was disappointing.

Looking forward to:

Hawaii this summer. Oh I can't wait. 

Day 125

Something learned:

There are people I often wish I was more like, but the truth is, I only wish that I had particular aspects of them. These people I admire usually excel in a particular trait, but they are by no means perfect people. Nobody has it all. I think it's really hard to remember that sometimes. But when I do, I recall my own strengths, and feel a lot better about who I am, even though I can't sing like Idina Menzel, or am not a domestic goddess like Gweneth Paltrow, and have not created a billion (or even million) dollar business.

I still am happy with myself.

Something I would like to get better at:

Not lose sight of the big picture when dwelling on the details. I sometimes spend way too much time to save a few bucks, when my time is worth a lot more. I'm not in the habit of doing the cost benefit analysis on my time expenditure, but I really should, given how busy I am!

Today I was thankful for:

1. Scott gave me a delicious mango from his haul
2. Free massage for my work anniversary
3. My new Kindle arrived, and I'm loving using it
4. Got all the dishes done in the kitchen
5. Had the house to myself after the kid went to bed. It was so silent I could hear the clocks tick!

Looking forward to:

I think we're gonna go camping this summer in Yosemite!

Day 124

Something learned:

The right thing to do, would be to choose to do the right thing, even when not made to.

Where I grew up, every home has a fence around it. Not just a pretty picket fence, but a tall chain link fence, or a iron spike fence, or a tall brick wall with broken glass embedded in the top. Where I now live, no such fences exist, but people stay off other people's property, and they do not take what is not theirs. Back home, if it wasn't nailed down or locked up, it was fair game. Here, one just doesn't take what isn't theirs.

I had a long debate about this before I was finally convinced that people here just know to not take what was not theirs. Just one in a long example of my long education in learning to be the best version of myself.

Something I would like to get better at:

Getting rid of stuff. I hoard things. I work hard at getting rid of things, but it is still a struggle to keep things at the level of normal folks. Thrift is something that's been deeply ingrained into me, and it's hard to let go of things that could still be useful. I'm reluctant to throw away things that are still usable, albeit not of use to me. I think I've had problems with this since I was a teenager.

I'm getting better, though my husband doubts it. I just hope I can continue to improve.

Today  I was thankful for:

1. Playing Uno for the first time in decades, with the husband and kid.
2. Learning about gibbons at the conversation center
3. Picking lots of yummy fruits and vegetables at Underwood Farms
4. A relaxing evening at home catching up on TV and laundry
5. Getting a table at Furaibo when Flores turned out to be full on a Sunday at 5:30pm!

Looking forward to:

Visiting Disneyland this spring with the current discounts for local folks.

Day 123

Something learned:

I don't wear makeup on a regular basis, because this is who I am. I saw firsthand growing up how my mother hated anyone seeing her without her makeup on. If you consider the made up face as your baseline, the "perfect" version as who you should be, I guess it's natural that your true face becomes something to be concealed and unmentionable.

I am aging, I'm not perfect, but I'm good with who I am and what I'm becoming. I can only hope I can help my own daughter find her own confidence in her self image.

Something I want to get better at:

Talking to strangers. I am too shy to ask permission to photograph people in costume. I don't give compliments to strangers who deserve them. I am especially scared when I know there's likely to be a language or accent barrier.

I get over it enough to function normally, but I know there's a whole other level I can take my communication to to stop missing out on connecting with those around me.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A chance to chat with Myles when we ran into each other.
2. A fun morning auditioning for The Chase gameshow, even if I wasn't called back.
3. Afternoon of solitude when husband took kid to run his errands. I got a lot of cleaning done.
4. A fantastic "fireside chat" and performance by Adam Pascal
5. Kiddo behaving reasonably well during said show, and giving giant goofy grins when she recognized his songs.

Looking forward to:

Fun family plans on Sunday.

Day 122

Something learned:

I don't talk about my employer often, but I've spent more than half my career there for good reason. I value them for many reasons, but when it comes down to it, the most important thing about that place is that everyone believes in doing the right thing. It's in the culture of the company to consider what the right thing is, and to constantly strive towards that, and to challenge and push those around us to do the same. I think that's at the heart of everything we do -- why they provide the benefits and perks they do, why they ask the things they do of us, and why there's trust.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Keeping in shape. I value keeping my mind in shape over keeping my body in shape. I'd love to do both, but after work and mothering each day.. that's about it... sigh.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Wrapping up my interview in time to pick up my kid from camp
2. Getting in just enough fixes to make the top prize level for the quarterly fix-it
3. A Skype video call between my parents and my kid so she could see her grandparents
4. Empty todo list. Some time all to myself. Bliss!
5. Deciding to buy a Kindle

Looking forward to:

Adam Pascal in concert tomorrow with the kid!

Day 121

Something learned:

Avoiding something or pretending it doesn't exist is the coward's way out. However, since I don't like confrontation, usually the choice I am left with is internal resolution -- to come to terms or let go of something. I feel like dealing right away with the things that are bothering you is the easiest way to get on with things.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Being less busy. I keep thinking just because I have nothing scheduled at a certain point, I can do something. I am terribly bad at giving myself down time and resting my brain. I feel like I've been overachieving and been on the go for... way too long.

Today I was thankful for

1. Getting tickets to watch Adam Pascal this weekend (at 50% off!)
2. Eating an entire chocolate bar in one evening. It's that kinda day.
3. Getting a paper cut, and the kid bringing me a bandaid
4. Husband making dinner because I just couldn't face it anymore
5. Clearing my todo list

Looking forward to:

Someday I want to go to the Galapagos.

Day 121

Something learned:

Dramatics are not a display of passion, they're attention seeking. An unhealthy way of seeking attention. If you're not able to get what you want without dramatics, there is a larger problem there.

Something I'll like to get better at:

Patience. The kid uses a lot of mine. Today a lot of factors converged to make it a very low-patience day. The kid is awfully understanding though. She says I'm being cranky, the same way she is when she's tired or hungry.

Today I was thankful for

1. Husband taking kid to camp in the morning so I could get to work early again
2. Hearing Adam Pascal pop up on the radio, and look him up, to find out that he's performing in town this weekend!
3. Joe P agreeing to play ukelele for our performance next week
4. Finally hooking enough electronics together to watch my blu-ray after my husband literally disconnected every one of our 3 blu-ray devices from our TV setup.
5. Husband came back from his electronics store run with stuff for him... and a chocolate bar for me.

Looking forward to:

Someday hearing Idina Menzel sing live.

Day 120

Something learned:

Respect people. Ask people their names, especially the people who provide you with services. Learn their names. Appreciate them. See the value in people. Life will be the richer for it.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I wish I knew how to be more persuasive.

When trying to convince others of something, I tend to get ignored, or met with skepticism. Mostly, I've given up trying to share information, except passively, like through a blog.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband taking the kid to camp so I could go straight to work
2. Kid playing with Lego quietly on my office floor for an hour after camp
3. Chocolate chip cookies
4. Tax return done. Don't have to pay more for the first time in years. Don't know whether to be happy or sad.
5. Husband taking a volunteer shift for the kid's school fair since I'm puzzling on that day.

Looking forward to:

I want to someday visit Africa on safari.

Day 119

Something learned:

Realationship games and tests are not good things. This seems so obvious with the hindsight of 2 decades, but when I was younger, it seemed to make sense to say to myself something like "if he really loved me, he'd do XYZ". I had an addled notion that love either conferred ESP on people or only occurred between people whose brains were perfectly matched.

Open, honest communication works much better to build a good relationship.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Being more meticulous about my work. I'm meticulous about solving puzzles but when it comes to building something, I seem ready to stop once it starts working. I don't know how to train my brain to be more thorough about a project.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The kid's dental appointment going smoothly
2. Ukelele music. It always calms me down and makes me think of warm Hawaiian breezes.
3. Kid really enjoying her acting camp despite saying she didn't want to go
4. Husband setting up our new Tivo
5. Cake. I forgot about it for days and it was waiting for me in the fridge, and still yummy

Looking forward to:

Our chorus singing at a memorial for one of our members who passed away. I'd rather remember him with song than with pain.

Day 118

Something learned:

I was guilty of passive aggressiveness when I was younger, but I now consider it a huge waste of time. I have no more patience for passive aggressive behavior. Time is in short supply I value directness. If someone is seeking change, or wants me to do something, they need to tell me or else, risk being ignored. Honestly, if you want something, wouldn't it be so much simpler to just ask for it?

If it is worth less because you have to ask, then maybe you shouldn't be seeking it in the first place.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Memory. Have I mentioned memory before? (You see what I did there?)

I can do pretty decently when I concentrate, but otherwise, it's like a sieve. I practice with Lumosity, but again, it's only effective when I'm working really hard. I lose the threads of conversation, I lose things, I forget promises that I don't write down...

On the other hand, I don't have to remember the bad stuff :)

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hanging out with another programmer mom, good drink and good conversation.
2. Yummy lunch at ROC with family (even running into the Kangs there)
3. Fun afternoon playing Tombstone Hold'em and meeting new people
4. Husband running errands and taking the kid to get caterpillars
5. Delicious dinner at Benihana

Looking forward to:

Spring weather. Skirts. Sunshine.

Day 117

Something learned:

"Smart" is not a very useful descriptor. When I did got good grades as a kid, I was always called "smart". I knew though, that my grades depended much more on how well I had processed the material, or how much preparation I had done, and so much less on innate ability. I eventually stopped caring if people thought I was "smart".

Similarly, I don't care when people call my kid "smart". I know her success will be much more determined by her grit, preparedness, and a healthy dose of luck.

Something I'd like to get better at:

I wish empathy came more naturally to me. When I hear someone telling a story, my first reaction too often is "me too!" But I wish I was more naturally able to just listen and empathize.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband taking the kid to swim class so I could wake up slowly at home
2. Husband taking the kid to the aquarium for Diver's Day so I could play a Real Escape game
3. Coming SUPER close to escaping in the Haunted Ship game I played yesterday.
4. Great dinner with relatives
5. Early bedtime. I was tired!

Looking forward to:

Tombstone Hold'em tomorrow.

Day 116

Something learned:

Teach by example.

When I pick up my kid in the afternoon, I ask her how her day went. Recently, she started asking me the same question too. While I find it adorable and nice to be asked, it also reminds me that everything I do has the potential to be emulated by my child and the easiest way to teach her the right way to live is to live it myself.

"Do as I say, not as I do" will not fly in this household.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Thinking on the fly. I'm a super slow thinker. I don't like thinking on the spot. I can't negotiate. I can't speak off the cuff. I can't go off script. I can't debate. I hate interviewing. Giving feedback is really hard.

I muse. I mull. I think over things in private for days. It's seriously quite the handicap.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting tickets for Gallifrey One in 2015 in the 75 minutes before they sold out.
2. Fun chorus practice -- one of our members is arranging a really geeky song for SATB. So awesome.
3. Kid not forgetting her violin for spring break
4. Kid doing well at the test for her purple belt.
5. Picking up nutella cookies at the local italian restaurant and the guy gives us a discount :)

Looking forward to:

Real Escape game tomorrow!

Day 115

Something learned:

People feel what they feel. You can't tell someone they're not feeling something when you can't get into their head and know for yourself. At any rate, it's how their rational mind handles the emotion that's more important.

For my child, I validate her,  then teach her appropriate handling techniques. For my husband or other loved ones, I listen to understand them. 

Something I'd like to get better at:

Making friends.

For my kid's sake I'm trying to cultivate friendships with the other parents. They all seem to be good buddies already. I may be too late. I wish I knew who the other introverts are and then I can just band up with them.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Having the opportunity to have breakfast with the kid at her school
2. Really good salmon for lunch at work
3. Fixing a bug in public code. A bug that was reported 14 months ago!
4. The kid snapping out of her mystery sulk at the beginning of TKD class
5. Kid loving her new kid-sized pitchers, she can pour her own milk now! (And by extension, feed herself breakfast)

Looking forward to:

Kid's second TKD belt test tomorrow

Day 114

Something learned:

You can't please everyone. You can't even try. Especially on the internet. Just stay away from comment threads. Life is too short for internet comment threads.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Being less judgmental. It affects my ability to be as gracious as I should be. Is it just a matter of training myself to stop?

Today I was thankful for:

1. Receiving the DVD from the Tesla Run last year. There's actually a picture of us in the slideshow!
2. Kid liking the Sticker Sudoku book I got her
3. Receiving International Happy Day greetings from my brother
4. Conversing with the kid in the car about our respective days. I love it when she asks me "How was your day, mom?"
5. Getting an new email from a college friend I recently reconnected with.
6. Hubby wrangling with the cable customer service to successfully get our new channels working.

Looking forward to:

Husband has comp time. Vacation, here we come!

Day 113

Something learned:

There's no such thing as a free lunch. My dad was always skeptical of offers that sounded too good to be true. I used to think that he was just being ornery.

When I was a teenager and approached by a "free modelling school", I jumped at the chance. In hindsight, they were just trying to sell me expensive professional makeup. I bought $600 of makeup, learned how to apply it, and had an hour's worth of tips on how to pose. I wasn't selected to be represented, but I doubt if anyone actually did. On the up side, I still use the makeup methods that they taught me, because they really do sculpt my face into something model-like. It served me well through 30-40 ballroom competitions and a number of glamorous parties. So I don't feel like I was cheated overall, even though my father probably did.

Well, these days, I make sure to look for the catch. Sometimes I still take the bait, but it's always with the knowledge that I'm aware of, and ok with buying, whatever they're selling me.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Resilience.

I feel like crap whenever I make a mistake or fail to live up to expectations. I get uncertain of myself and pull back from doing things. My imposter syndrome starts screaming at me. I start doubting all the self esteem I have felt, and anything positive that I've said.

Maybe I just need to convince myself that it's ok to not be perfect.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband promising me that if he snores, all I have to do is wake him up.

2. Getting to attend an informative talk by Betsy Brown Braun and getting a free copy of her new book

3. Finding some great kid-friendly pitchers so she can pour herself drinks!

4. Husband doing the dishes

5. Going to bed early.

Looking forward to:

I want to make fondue. I own a fondue pot that I've not used in years.

Day 112

Something learned:

Live deliberately. Say or do things with purpose. You don't need to reveal, justify or defend your choices to others, but you should be able to square it with your conscience.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Keeping in touch with people who matter to me. I tend to not know what to talk about with people, even family. So I don't call much.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The 4.4 earthquake being a non-event
2. I gave feedback on an internal feature announcement that I didn't quite like it and why, and I heard back that the team will be reconsidering their approach. So happy that I followed my conscience!
3. Getting my beloved car back from repair

4. Husband buying a new Tivo to replace the wonky old one

5. Husband watching Walking Dead with me so I didn't have to endure that episode alone

Looking forward to:

I want us to all get bikes and go riding together as a family.

Day 111

Something learned:

I wasn't kept safe as a child. The keys were firstly, being educated on safe boundaries, and secondly, a strong trusting relationship with my parents, that involves no secrets. I drill that into my own child now. Every few months, we review the list of body safety rules. No secrets from parents, and she is the boss of her body. Privacy, no touching or pictures. I can only pray that any predator will think many times before going after her.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Managing my energy levels better. I tend to stay up later than I should. I get so tired by the time I pick the kid up after school, I don't get around to doing all the things with her that I want to do.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Awesome hike with the family -- it was short, it was shady, the waterfall at the end was pretty.
2. Yummy lunch at Porto's
3. Yummy dinner of black pepper crab
4. The friends who came for dinner loving the food, and contributing yummy stuff too.
5. House was clean by the time kid was in bed

Looking forward to:

I think it's time to bring the kid to Yosemite again to go camping in the wilderness.

Day 110

Something learned:

Take second-hand news with a grain of salt. I've been interviewed for newspaper articles before. The main thing I've learned is that quotes will be used out of context, and that meanings change as a result. Sometimes, the interviewer misunderstands something, and the report is just plain wrong. If it can happen to me, I'm sure that it can happen in any other article.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Communication. As much as possible, I tend to avoid talking to others. If I can spend 30 minutes figuring something out by myself to avoid starting up a 10 minute conversation, I'll do the former. Or I'd procrastinate on the actual act. I wish I could find a way past that discomfort.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Calling the music school and finding out my lost book was turned in there
2. Finding the book I wanted and a couple of books that kid wanted at the library
3. Short nap after lunch
4. Hubby taking the kid to the birthday party so I could have some peace to clean the house
5. Awesomest date night with husband at Providence

Looking forward to:

Hosting some friends tomorrow for the first time since having a kid.

Day 109

I think it's time to add something into the mix. In addition to what I've learned, I think it's time for me to reflect upon what I'd like to get better at.

Something learned:

Unfortunately, I had the need to apologize to someone over email in the last day. I felt terrible about my mistake, but even worse, I fear that I botched up my apology and lost my chance to put things right.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt ill equipped to adequately express all my important thoughts coherently, especially since I was upset about my mistake and not thinking well. Since communication isn't my strong suit, I sat down and wrote an outline to use for future apologies (being human and all that).

Do you think that's too unemotional of me?

Something I'd like to get better at:

Parenting. The first few years were fairly straightforward. Keep the baby fed and clean and safe. Now the real hard stuff is happening and I feel like I'm having to figure it out as I go along and mistakes and failure are frustrating and demoralizing. I feel like I have zero role models as I'm not regularly around people who have kids older than mine. I myself was mostly unparented -- just babysat by a housekeeper. Where can I go to get an internship?

Today I was thankful for:

1. Being able to attend a talk by Daniel Suarez and get a free copy of his new book.

2. Napping on the kid's floor and she covered me with a blanket

3. Tasty unagi-don for dinner

4. Getting perfect scores on my 2 Coursera quizzes (granted they were about logic and probability .. but still)

5. Seeing a photograph I took get featured on the Ren Fair Facebook page.

Looking forward to:

Date night tomorrow at my favorite restaurant in Los Angeles!

Day 108

Something learned:

For me, keeping things neat and tidy is a learned skill. I'm pretty sure that judging from my childhood bedroom alone, my parents think that I'm just a messy person by nature. In the years that have passed since leaving home, however, I have learned a lot of things about being tidy that were never taught to me. Now knowing them, it's not difficult to make things tidy, if I can find the time. My over-busy-ness is a different story altogether.

I realized this too, when I asked the kid to clean up her room. In the beginning, she would just stare helplessly at the mess, and not know what to do. I demonstrated and showed her how to approach it. Find something on the floor (e.g. a book), put it away where it belongs. If need be, find a home for that item (make space on a shelf). Find another item like it on the floor, and put that away too. Continue until there are no more of that item. Find another item, find a home for it, put that away. Over the months, we've come to find homes for everything she owns. And now, when I send her into her room by herself to clean it up, she actually manages to do a remarkably good job, sometimes even making her bed!

I know it sounds so simple, but "A place for everything and everything in its place" really should be taken literally, and if it was taught to me properly early on, I might have fared a lot better in the "keeping my room clean" department.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Got the chance to do a quick Zumba session on the Xbox 360
2. Had enough coupons to get $10 off my $25 purchase at CVS
3. Made a parenting mistake that affected another kid and sounds like the other mom accepted my apology. Hopefully she won't hold a grudge.
4. My Whole Foods coupon finally working
5. Husband fixing the loose kitchen cabinet door that was driving me mad.

Looking forward to:

Kid going for her second TKD belt test next week!

Day 107

Something learned:

I was confused when I first encountered the sentiment that "nobody likes a tattle tale". I had never heard such a thing growing up in Singapore. It took a long time before I figured out the subtleties of what tattling on someone meant.

It's all in the intention. Tattling is when you tell on someone to get them in trouble. It's not tattling when you tell on them to keep someone safe.

If two kids were disagreeing about something, and one of them whines to an adult, the grownups prefer to let them figure it out on their own. If one kid was bullying another, however, teachers or parents need to intervene. Sadly though, the difference seems to be lost on kids and they often end up staying silent about things they witnessed.

Bullying can have a devastating effect on a child. I certainly hope my kid will understand the difference when the situation arises.

Today I was thankful for:

1. An interesting parents discussion group session about manners and etiquette at the kid's school
2. My singing teacher telling me that I was doing a good job with the German song I've been learning
3. The Math Day shirt I made for kid to wear going over well
4. Kid going through the evening routine without fuss or complaint
5. Husband taking care of dishes

Looking forward to:

Making my favorite black pepper crab this weekend.

Day 106

Something learned:

Always get a second opinion.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend a talk by an author at work. The author was Daniel J. Siegel, who had written Brainstorm, which was a book about adolescent brain development. Early in the talk, he makes the claim that teenagers need to replace parental attachments with peer attachments for ideal outcomes. This happens to directly contradict the conclusion I reached after reading Hold On To Your Kids by Gabor Mate. The latter book states that a child needs to maintain a stronger attachment to their parent than their peers until they reach adulthood.

At the end of the talk, when he started taking questions, I eventually stood up and mentioned this contradiction to him. I was beyond thrilled when he revealed that he had recently had a long conversation with Gabor himself, and that they disagreed on certain points and agreed on others.

When I first became a parent, I read a number of well-reviewed parenting books. I went along building up a model of ideal parenting until I came across 2 techniques that directly contradicted each other at which point I realized that there was no single ideal model and that I needed to figure it out for myself.

Having the opportunity now to directly challenge the source of this information was very exciting, especially since while I thought that Hold On To Your Kids was a really convincing book, Daniel Siegel seemed to present a very compelling argument otherwise. Eventually, he asked me to read his book and email him what I thought of the matter after that.

I think we're conditioned to trust experts, so it's even more vital for us to understand that sometimes experts disagree. I consider it a great responsibility to educate myself and to reasonably challenge what I'm told, whether it's from my kid's pediatrician or doctor, or an accountant or financial advisor. (Sadly, it's really hard to get good help these days -- but I'm too busy to become qualified as everything I need help for...)

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to order free stuff from work
2. Getting a bunch of awesome free stationery at work at the grab bag shelf
3. Finding a plain shirt that fits the kid at Goodwill for $1.50
4. Finding that I still had T-shirt transfer paper leftover from 2011 in my stash
5. Putting together an awesome shirt for kid to wear to Math Day tomorrow

Looking forward to:

Someday I want to go to Germany and see Miniatur Wunderland.

Day 105

Something learned:

Use it or lose it. I've always believed this to be especially applicable to the brain. Knowing that mental decline is a fact of life, I try to challenge my brain while I still can with puzzles, learning new things, writing, reading, etc. I don't know how well it works, but as long as I continue to be around people who are smarter than I am, I can't get complacent. Or perhaps that's the real lesson, to surround yourself by the people who you want to be like.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to attend a book talk by Daniel Siegel and getting to directly discuss something with him that contradicts another book I read
2. Free book from that talk
3. Finding appropriate bait for the kid's leprechaun trap homework
4. Dinner out with the family before the husband headed off to a Titanfall launch event
5. Finding something appropriate for the kid to donate to the spring fair

Looking forward to:

I hope to someday get to be a guest at Club 33 in Disneyland.

Day 104

Something learned:

Don't be afraid to ask what something is.

When I was in the fourth grade, my teacher put up a sign on the wall that said "It's better to remain silent and let people think you're a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt." Well, as the years passed, I took that advice to heart and chose the path of silent ignorance. I still struggle with this today. I'll find myself in a meeting where an in-progress project would come up in the discussion, and I'd feel like the only room who didn't know what it was. I'd keep quiet and try to figure it out from context, not always successfully. In recent months however, I've started seeing more senior teammates who are willing to interrupt and ask "what is XYZ? I'm not familiar with that." and other people willingly bring them up to speed.

There's much to be learned by admitting when you don't know something.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to spend some talking with other parents at a party
2. Passing by a Crate & Barrel and getting to buy the containers I've been wanting
3. Seeing tons of cool critters in the tidepools
4. Figuring out to distract the kiddo from her exhaustion while hiking uphill by teaching her about cannonballs and heatstroke
5. Awesome hot pot dinner at Little Lamb

Looking forward to:

When I have a garden, I want to grow fruit and vegetables. Maybe have a little arbor or pergola for relaxing.

Day 103

Something learned:

Don't wait for life to be perfect before starting to enjoy life.

Life is not perfect, and will never be. People make mistakes, accidents happen, people get sick, things break. This stuff is part of life, and if you consider them exceptional circumstances and hold your breath for the time when whatever bad stuff in your life is done, so that you can really start living, you're never going to be happy.

This kind of thinking was much harder for me to accept when I was younger and I saw the world in black and white. I considered my world blemished and blackened, and thought that everyone else around me must be living perfect lives. Eventually, I learned to find the joy in daily life, and release frustration and anger from the crappy stuff. Along the way, I've come to suspect that other people's lives probably aren't as perfect as they seem either. But I do wish them all every happiness.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Finding cute, affordable summer dresses for myself and the kid.
2. An offer of reciprocal babysitting from a mommy-friend. I'm surprised by how excited I am by this.
3. Suddenly recalling the name of a french song I was trying to remember from my college days that has been bothering me for months. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXKkxZ7U-lo
4. Husband taking the kid to get boba so I could get an hour of peace.
5. Trying the new chinese place nearby and finding it not altogether terrible.

Looking forward to:

I want to go diamond hunting in Arkansas. I went garnet hunting in Mexico, but chollas attacked us. Arkansas should be a tad easier to get to :)

Day 102

Something learned:

Don't compare yourself to others.

Firstly, when they are successful, you feel like a failure by comparison. And if they are a loved one, you can't truly be happy for them when the comparison only serves to make you look bad.

Second and more importantly, it distracts you from your own goals.

I used to compare myself to others. I remember bringing home a test and announcing proudly that I had gotten the second highest score in class. In hindsight, the response I got is laughably predictable, "Why not first?" But at the time, it frustrated me that instead of my own accomplishment being recognized, it was relegated to a missed expectation.

Eventually, I learned that the only measure of success that mattered was my own. By understanding myself well and knowing my own goals, I can gauge my own success by a metric that made a difference to me. The hard part is of course, setting your own goals, but that's a story for another day.

Today I was thankful for:

1. The 12 song routine I selected for Zumba 360 including a cool down soon at the end. Good design!
2. Getting my team together for Dash 6!
3. Chorus at work getting back together. I get to sing!

4. Getting a table at Nanbankan despite not having a reservation

5. Watching Catching Fire with hubby with Google Play credit

Looking forward to:

I had an idea to bring my parents on vacation somewhere awesome. I just need to figure out where and when now.

Day 101

Something learned:

If I haven't worked as hard as I could have on something, I feel as though any failure on my part is indefensible.

I've felt in constant fear of  being called out for having poor work habits. That wasn't helped by my anxious nature that usually anticipates non-existent problems. Somewhere along the way, I earned a way that was easier on my psyche.

The lesson learned was to try my best, and whatever the result, I can take pride in that.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hearing from the kid's teacher that everything is OK and progressing
2. Running into Sarah and setting up a playdate for the kids
3. Shrimp and mussels at lunch
4. My first Thai massage
5. Hearing that parts for my car repair are now in

Looking forward to:

Titanfall launch day next week!

Day 100

Something learned:

I've started to face the fact that I'm a rather anxious person. I deal with it by over preparing and over analyzing and for the most part, I'm functional. I regularly coach myself to accept things and move on. It helps that I remember so little. Easier to get over something you've forgotten ;-)

Accept and move on. After all in the big scheme of things, what does it matter....

Today I was thankful for:

1. A good zumba workout this morning. The game is fun!
2. Free donuts from Krispy Kreme
3. Free stuff from Victoria's Secret
4. My merchandise credit at Athleta was exactly the amount of my bill.. so free!
5. Finding the house keys after searching the car for many minutes. I was very relieved that they weren't lost somewhere.

Looking forward to:

Trying a Thai massage at work tomorrow.

Day 99

Something learned:

A real date night is not just an outing with the husband sans kid. We've had regular, albeit infrequent, adult-only dinners since becoming parents, but I've found it extremely hard to get out of Mommy mode. I still am thinking about the todo list, the chores, the household minutia.

A true date night requires reconnecting, reflecting, rediscovering, relaxing. On our most recent date, I made a concious effort to relax and be playful. It's hard to play when I'm "the grown up" and constantly on watch. I also got us to reconnect with deeper conversation (not just a discussion of the week's grocery list) and where we reflected on our relationship.

I'd forgotten about that aspect of dating where you work hard to forge a connection with the other person. Even a well established relationship benefits from that renewal.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Crawfish at work for Fat Tuesday!
2. Free stuff from work again
3. No negative report from the kid's teacher today
4. Getting the global high score on Trip (Threes Android clone)
5. Hubby got the 360 working so I can play my Zumba game tomorrow

Looking forward to:

Recreating our wedding cake. The guy who did our cake sold his restaurant but I tracked him down and hubby called him for the recipe.

It was awesome cake, but we didn't even do a tasting. It was provided with the venue. We got so lucky!

Day 98

Something learned:

I started my first gratitude project on a whim more than a decade ago. My very first stated goal in life was to "be happy" and I decided that I wanted to do something tangible towards achieving that goal.

Doing gratitude on and off over the years, I've found that it achieves a number of things. First, the exercise of looking for items to list forces me to reflect on the good things that had happened that day. Secondly, I have never had a day where it was completely impossible to come up with 5 items that I was thankful for, telling me that I am indeed managing to maintain a happy life.

I've found that focusing on the positive instead of the negative allows me to let go of the bad stuff, to accept that they happened but not allow them permanent residence in my narrative.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting back the kid's forgotten violin
2. The BH library having a book drop that I could reach from my window so I didn't have to get out of the car
3. Fixing the monday morning code bug quickly despite working on little sleep.
4. Hubby reading the kid her bedtime story so I could rest
5. Having this gratitude project to keep me focused on the positive

Looking forward to:

Upcoming Room Escape game this month!

Day 97

Something learned:

When I told the kid this morning that we were going to a museum to see an exhibit about spies, she declared that she wasn't interested. My husband is a quick thinker and started talking to her about the time she tried to sneak out after bedtime to listen to mom and dad talking. That sparked off a whole discussion on how she could be sneakier and better at doing secret things. When it was explained that that was what spies did, she sounded a lot more interested. I then told her a very summarized version of the plot of Argo and she thought it sounded cool. By the time we got into the exhibition, she was asking us to tell her about everything in every glass case.

That was an important lesson in how to engage someone and make information relevant. Information isn't usually interesting for its own sake, and a good teacher can find a way to make the student keen to know more.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting to see the Spy: The Secret World of Espionage. It was everything I'd dreamed about as a kid and more.
2. The kid being really interested in many of the exhibits of the show
3. Having some time to run a bunch of errands
4. Getting to drive the Model S for a few hours this afternoon. It's a powerful car, but a little big for me...
5. Getting to eat the Soon tofu I've been craving all weekend

Looking forward to:

A quiet week with nothing unusual happening.