Day 142 and 143

Ever notice that some days it's hard to do it all? Yesterday was a little like that.

Yesterday I was thankful for:

1. That I didn't spill too much gas on my favorite hoodie. Hopefully it can be saved.
2. Waking up and making it to the airport on time to go home
3. I didn't have to wait at all for a parking shuttle so I could head home quick
4. Chatting to a bunch of other parents at a birthday party
5. Seeing my in-laws for dinner

Something learned:

Learn people's names. When someone else makes the effort to learn my name, I feel a lot more respected. I try to do the same for others, though sometimes it's awkward to ask. It's worthwhile though. I sometimes even make a dossier of pictures and names to assist my unreliable memory.

Something I want to get better at:

I wish sometimes that I was more extroverted. It's so hard for me to go up to someone and start talking to them, even when I know them. I want to get better at connecting with folks.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting the house tidied up before leaving for work
2. Finding a bunch of cool books to buy at the kid's book fair
3. Meeting to kid's librarian in person
4. Hubby decorating some awesome shoes for the kid

5. Figuring out how much postage to use on a card without a weighing scale

Looking forward to:

Seeing the kid's reaction to her new shoes

Day 134

I've been having trouble getting back into the rhythm of blogging (obviously). Can't give up though.

Something learned:

I've learned to stop holding on to anger. Anger wastes my limited emotional resources on something that doesn't benefit me at all.  I have no lack of positive motivation. I work at authentic conflict resolution so I won't hold grudges.

Even if I still lose my temper on some occasions, I continue to strive to walk away from triggers, acknowledge and release any anger that does arise, or just remember that certain things don't matter enough to be angry over. I am the primary party who who benefits, it seems like the no-brainer choice.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Conversation. My socials skills are rusty and I forget that the purpose of talking to people is connection. Perhaps it's time to force myself to spend more time with people that I don't know well.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Managing to clean up the house in an hour this morning

2. Remembering in time to stop off and drop off the money I owed Christina.

3. That bumping the curb didn't seem to do any damage to my hubcap 

4. Getting to the kid's school, TKD class, and violin class, all on time.

5. Kid liking broccoli enough to eat the last of it.

Looking forward to:

Visiting South Carolina for the first time next week!

Day 123

Something learned:

I don't wear makeup on a regular basis, because this is who I am. I saw firsthand growing up how my mother hated anyone seeing her without her makeup on. If you consider the made up face as your baseline, the "perfect" version as who you should be, I guess it's natural that your true face becomes something to be concealed and unmentionable.

I am aging, I'm not perfect, but I'm good with who I am and what I'm becoming. I can only hope I can help my own daughter find her own confidence in her self image.

Something I want to get better at:

Talking to strangers. I am too shy to ask permission to photograph people in costume. I don't give compliments to strangers who deserve them. I am especially scared when I know there's likely to be a language or accent barrier.

I get over it enough to function normally, but I know there's a whole other level I can take my communication to to stop missing out on connecting with those around me.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A chance to chat with Myles when we ran into each other.
2. A fun morning auditioning for The Chase gameshow, even if I wasn't called back.
3. Afternoon of solitude when husband took kid to run his errands. I got a lot of cleaning done.
4. A fantastic "fireside chat" and performance by Adam Pascal
5. Kiddo behaving reasonably well during said show, and giving giant goofy grins when she recognized his songs.

Looking forward to:

Fun family plans on Sunday.

Day 118

Something learned:

I was guilty of passive aggressiveness when I was younger, but I now consider it a huge waste of time. I have no more patience for passive aggressive behavior. Time is in short supply I value directness. If someone is seeking change, or wants me to do something, they need to tell me or else, risk being ignored. Honestly, if you want something, wouldn't it be so much simpler to just ask for it?

If it is worth less because you have to ask, then maybe you shouldn't be seeking it in the first place.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Memory. Have I mentioned memory before? (You see what I did there?)

I can do pretty decently when I concentrate, but otherwise, it's like a sieve. I practice with Lumosity, but again, it's only effective when I'm working really hard. I lose the threads of conversation, I lose things, I forget promises that I don't write down...

On the other hand, I don't have to remember the bad stuff :)

Today I was thankful for:

1. Hanging out with another programmer mom, good drink and good conversation.
2. Yummy lunch at ROC with family (even running into the Kangs there)
3. Fun afternoon playing Tombstone Hold'em and meeting new people
4. Husband running errands and taking the kid to get caterpillars
5. Delicious dinner at Benihana

Looking forward to:

Spring weather. Skirts. Sunshine.

Day 110

Something learned:

Take second-hand news with a grain of salt. I've been interviewed for newspaper articles before. The main thing I've learned is that quotes will be used out of context, and that meanings change as a result. Sometimes, the interviewer misunderstands something, and the report is just plain wrong. If it can happen to me, I'm sure that it can happen in any other article.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Communication. As much as possible, I tend to avoid talking to others. If I can spend 30 minutes figuring something out by myself to avoid starting up a 10 minute conversation, I'll do the former. Or I'd procrastinate on the actual act. I wish I could find a way past that discomfort.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Calling the music school and finding out my lost book was turned in there
2. Finding the book I wanted and a couple of books that kid wanted at the library
3. Short nap after lunch
4. Hubby taking the kid to the birthday party so I could have some peace to clean the house
5. Awesomest date night with husband at Providence

Looking forward to:

Hosting some friends tomorrow for the first time since having a kid.

Day 107

Something learned:

I was confused when I first encountered the sentiment that "nobody likes a tattle tale". I had never heard such a thing growing up in Singapore. It took a long time before I figured out the subtleties of what tattling on someone meant.

It's all in the intention. Tattling is when you tell on someone to get them in trouble. It's not tattling when you tell on them to keep someone safe.

If two kids were disagreeing about something, and one of them whines to an adult, the grownups prefer to let them figure it out on their own. If one kid was bullying another, however, teachers or parents need to intervene. Sadly though, the difference seems to be lost on kids and they often end up staying silent about things they witnessed.

Bullying can have a devastating effect on a child. I certainly hope my kid will understand the difference when the situation arises.

Today I was thankful for:

1. An interesting parents discussion group session about manners and etiquette at the kid's school
2. My singing teacher telling me that I was doing a good job with the German song I've been learning
3. The Math Day shirt I made for kid to wear going over well
4. Kid going through the evening routine without fuss or complaint
5. Husband taking care of dishes

Looking forward to:

Making my favorite black pepper crab this weekend.

Day 94

Something learned:

Make it easy for someone to help, and they will. 

People are busy, and do not have time to read a long essay and try and decipher what it is you need of them. When I email a person with a request, I write concisely and try to be very specific about what information or action I'm asking for. I believe that people generally enjoy being helpful, after all.

When I employ this tactic with customer service, I find it gets my point across effectively and occasionally even gets me some freebies.

So far so good!

Today I was thankful for:

1. Meeting my main work goals for the quarter
2. Getting the hotel reservation I was hoping for. Disneyland here we come!
3. The kid bringing home her valentine's day candy. Mmmm
4. Reconnecting with an old friend
5. Husband finding me a 3s clone to play

Looking forward to:

I made a fitness plan. Hope I'll be able to stick to it!

Day 44

Something learned:

I listened to this radio show on NPR (http://www.npr.org/2013/12/20/255744345/can-autism-be-an-asset) and teared up at some things that this lady said. It feels so much like she understands me. I don't think I'm on the autistic spectrum, but I do remember my parents being concerned enough to bring me to the doctor when I was little to find out "why I don't talk much". I told the doctor (as honestly as I could) that I'm afraid to say things when I could be wrong.

But 2 things in particular stood out for me. Firstly, I need specificity. Without specificity in my tasks, I tend to flounder without even knowing why. In recent years, I've coped better by creating my own specificity, but sometimes when I don't realize that's what I'm lacking, it's a struggle. It's also why I excel at fixing bugs or solving puzzles, because there's a very specific goal.

Secondly, I also don't think in words. That makes it difficult to make impromptu speeches, debate, argue, answer questions, explain concepts.. practically all forms of communications. I have to stop and translate the mental concepts I have in my head into words to express myself, and it slows me down, sometimes trips me up altogether.

Just a couple of things I've learned about myself that I don't seem to have in common with others, but that Temple Grandin seems to understand.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A short email exchange with a distant relative, in which I learned that my grandfather was a good artist
2. My friend Sharon coming back to work
3. Sharon giving me a pressed-penny album page for the kid
4. Singing
5. Having time to finally finish that library book

A hope:

I hope I get to celebrate Chinese New Year with folks who love the holiday as much as I do. I miss that.