Day 138

Something learned:

I sometimes wonder if it is a personality trait or a personal shortcoming that I don't aspire to move up the corporate ladder and become less of a personal contributor and more of a strategic leader.

I really just don't WANT to. And maybe I'll regret it in thirty years. I sometimes look back on the opportunities I've had over the years and mentally kick myself for not taking them. But if I were honest, I am probably happier today for it, albeit with a slightly less illustrious career.

I chose happiness.

Something I want to get better at:

Making an impact. In the same vein as yesterday's thread, I spend a lot of energy looking inwards towards my nuclear family. For my sake and to set an example for my kids, I want to start looking outward a little more.

I donate money to a few causes. I try to be an ethical consumer. Surely there is more I can do though.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting everything I needed to do done before leaving.
2. A supportive hubby who let's me get away once a year for these conferences.
3. First floor parking in the airport garage.
4. TSA Precheck making airport security tolerable again.
5. On time departure. In an hour. I hope :)

Looking forward to:

A bed to myself for the next few days :)

Day 137

Something learned:

Find purpose, stay alive.

More often than not, life can be hard. I consider the tough times an inextricable part of life. But I found myself reasons for living, and they're enough. What else is there otherwise? It's important to stay alive.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Leadership. I'm so focused on my own life and my family, that I hardly consider my impact beyond that sphere. Some days it feels a little selfish, and that it behooves to me to think bigger.

Today I was thankful for:

1. A gift of 3 yummy mangoes from Scott
2. Lots of free stuff from work
3. Not being as wilfully inept a singer as Florence Jenkins
4. The kid eating kale after learning how to make kale chips
5. Warm weather is coming back

Looking forward to:

Flying first class on the red eye tomorrow night!

Day 136

Something learned:

There was a time in my life when I was much angrier. I let things that annoy or irritate me capture my attention. I would give vent to anger, cuss, and let the negative emotion permeate. After a couple of years of this, I decided that I had a choice not to let myself be poisoned by my own anger.

I still get angry every now and then. but after I acknowledge the cause and my own reaction, I am usually able to release it and recover completely. My anger is usually an emotional, not a logical, response, and I think that when I am aware of it, I disarm it.

I've chosen not to give any power to anger. Life's too short to spend any of it in rancor. Don't Be Angry.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Cryptics. Last weekend's puzzle hunt had a puzzle that was half cryptics half sudoku, and Myles solved the first half as effortlessly as I did the latter half. I couldn't even pipe up with any answer suggestions because my jaw was on the ground.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Having enough points to redeem for $50 worth of free gift cards.
2. Finally getting my code to work. 2 weeks of struggling, and now it's working!
3. Kid getting invited to a playdate.
4. Kid enjoying a nature documentary about the Honey Badger.

5. Blogger saving the draft of this blog post before Chrome crashed.

Looking forward to:

Learning to sing the Queen of the Night aria. I never thought I'd get excited about opera :)

Day 135

Something learned:

Eat properly.

It sometimes saddens me how much more effort it takes for me to eat now than say, twenty years ago. But then again, in a typical day back then, I would have chocolate eclairs for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and sweet drinks right before bed. So hopefully I am actually doing a better job now.

It kind of blows my mind how complicated choosing food can be. Read labels. Buy organic. Shop ethically. Avoid fast food. Environmentally friendly choices. Michael Pollan's Food Rules had a big impact on me. So have exposés of industrial farming and the FDA.

I wonder if doctors quizzing me on my medical history wonder if I'm lying -- no caffeine, no alcohol, no tobacco. I figure I'd like to be as healthy for as long as I can. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Making my loved ones feel loved. It's too easy to let the business of living distract me. I think I used to be better at this when I was younger. Perhaps I just thought more of others back then, and less about all my responsibilities, which also admittedly numbered fewer back then.

Today I was thankful for:

1. That I hadn't yet turned the kid's Sea Shepherd 4T shirt into a quilt square so that she could wear it to school for Earth Day.
2. Getting a 60% speed up with some tweaking I did on one page of the project. Optimization isn't my strong suit.
3. Having a bowl of instant noodles to satisfy MSG cravings, even if my stomach wasn't happy later. Won't be repeating that soon...
4. Kid having a good day at school, behavior-wise.
5. MJ inviting us to camp at Idyllwild even though we couldn't make it. It's nice to be invited.

Looking forward to:

Puzzle hunt this weekend!

Day 134

I've been having trouble getting back into the rhythm of blogging (obviously). Can't give up though.

Something learned:

I've learned to stop holding on to anger. Anger wastes my limited emotional resources on something that doesn't benefit me at all.  I have no lack of positive motivation. I work at authentic conflict resolution so I won't hold grudges.

Even if I still lose my temper on some occasions, I continue to strive to walk away from triggers, acknowledge and release any anger that does arise, or just remember that certain things don't matter enough to be angry over. I am the primary party who who benefits, it seems like the no-brainer choice.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Conversation. My socials skills are rusty and I forget that the purpose of talking to people is connection. Perhaps it's time to force myself to spend more time with people that I don't know well.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Managing to clean up the house in an hour this morning

2. Remembering in time to stop off and drop off the money I owed Christina.

3. That bumping the curb didn't seem to do any damage to my hubcap 

4. Getting to the kid's school, TKD class, and violin class, all on time.

5. Kid liking broccoli enough to eat the last of it.

Looking forward to:

Visiting South Carolina for the first time next week!

Day 133

Something learned:

Fairness is not everyone getting the same thing, it's everyone getting what they need.

I think this concept is illustrated quite well here.. http://www.portlandoregon.gov/oehr/article/449547?

I sometimes hear people who belong to the majority of a group question why there are special things for the minorities. E.g. at college, someone actually asked why all the foreign students had societies, e.g. the Singaporean Students Society, but the American students could not. Or why there needs to be so much attention focused on generating female interest in math or science, or the game industry.

I am sure this explanation will come in handy at some point when my kid screams "that's not fair!" but then again... sometimes the right response to that will be that "Life isn't fair." But that's a lesson for another day!

Edit to add: Looks like I've posted on this before. Well, this picture helps my understanding of it so I've learned more!

Something I'd like to get better at:

Sleeping. I can't seem to get myself to bed at a reasonable time. Ironically, I am late posting this because I was tired and went to bed "early" and I hadn't posted yet. But outside of that I wish I could figure out a consistent going to bed schedule. I wake up naturally often enough, but too often I have to exhaust myself before falling asleep.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Lots of chocolate and plastic eggs from the easter egg hunt at work (my co-hunter does not like chocolate)
2. Meeting a previously FB-only friend in person, and managing to salvage the visit despite some initial disappointment
3. Despite being delayed by massive traffic, we were still the first ones arriving for TKD class.
4. Yummy home-made cheese fondue with the family (despite the kid disagreeing)
5. Husband putting away the dishes and fixing me chocolate ice cream

Looking forward to:

Getting through my audition callback on Friday. I don't want to do it, but that's precisely the reason I'm making myself do it. Builds character to be able to do your best even when you don't want to, doesn't it?

Day 132

Something learned:

"The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you."

I was feeling awful and like a failure, when this quote popped up in my stream.

I have tried to and continue try to live my life the best way I can. I am bound to make some mistakes. If someone chooses to make me bad over it, that's on them, not on me. Hearing this, it was much easier for me to let go of my upset.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Kindness. Of all the qualities, I think this is most important for me to develop.

Today I was thankful for:

1. I had 2 phone errands to make, and both turned out to be quick and easy.
2. What I thought was a privacy issue with my photos turned out to be working correctly
3. At least being within sight of the bus stop when the kid's bus arrived early.
4. Successfully teaching the kid the Archimedes Principle and the 2x table.
5. Hubby giving me some of his really yummy beef jerky.

Looking forward to:

Easter egg hunt at work tomorrow!

Back to business

Honestly, I don't know if I paused blogging because I was feeling so overwhelmed in life and generally feeling crappy, or if the lack of taking gratitude contributed to me feeling crappy.

But it's time to start back up again. I haven't quite stabilized my sleeping pattern yet, but I need to stop making excuses.

Blogging break

Gonna take a few days break from the blog. Sleep schedule got out of whack and my brain is fried. Be back real soon!

Day 130 & 131

Daily posting is hard when I'm travelling with my family. Since I spent last night in an Airstream trailer, I wasn't able to update last night.

Yesterday I was thankful for:

1. Umami burger for lunch
2. Bulgarini Gelato for dessert
3. Husband grilling an awesome dinner for us
4. Staying in a really cool Airstream trailer on a goat farm
5. Watching a hilarious but appropriately ruminant-themed movie, "Artois the Goat"

Today I was thankful for:

1. Learning to milk goats
2. Amazing fresh goat cheese, goat milk yogurt and goat milk for breakfast
3. Getting a phone call from my aunt
4. Getting an email from my sibling
5. An afternoon of Minecraft with my kid

Something learned:

Savor life. I've spent enough time watching people who are unhappy with life to be determined that I live life as best as I possibly can, while I can. You do only live once -- using YOLO as an excuse for taking silly risks just tarnishes that sentiment.

A number of years ago, I was in a car accident that I thought should have killed me. Looking back, even if I had known I was going to die that day, I wouldn't have lived my life any differently. That is how I try to live every day. The day I die will come some day, after all. I'm just not going to wait till I know when it's coming, before living right.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Controlling my temper. Despite knowing better, I still lose my temper. I'd like it to be more than just a personality trait, and that I can learn to be better than that.

Looking forward to:

I would like to take Musical Theatre classes some day.

Day 129

Something learned:

I used to think that the most important ingredient for success was a good idea. In the years since, I've learned that good ideas are plentiful. Success, however, still depends on so many other factors.

Turning an idea into a reality is a probably the biggest stumbling block of all. The last 1% of a project takes 99% of the effort. Those who are able to ship a finished product richly deserve their success. In particular, for job interviews, we are told most of all to look for people who are able to "get things done."

Marketing is also vital to success. I thought that the value of something should be apparent without having to be explicitly pointed out, but it turns out that people need to be sold to.

Having a great idea is no promise of a fortune.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Not letting the dishes pile up at home. It's a terrible habit of mine to not finish the dishes before going to bed.

Today I was thankful for:

1. I fell asleep on the couch last night. Good thing our couch is comfy.
2. Kid went on big field trip at camp and didn't get lost!
3. My coworker who brought my badge down to me when I left the office without it and couldn't get back in.
4. My chocolate stash.
5. My ice cream stash

Looking forward to:

Staying in an Airstream on a goat farm. This should be exciting!

Day 128

Something learned:

Treat the disease, not the symptom. When solving a problem, it's important to address why the problem is happening, rather than just compensating for the effects. I think that doing this on a constant basis will result in a much smoother and effective life.

This is one of my jobs in this family. I set up reminders so we don't run out of stuff, or forget to do routine house/life maintenance. I set up systems to prevent problems from repeating. Someday, perhaps it'll be completely automated and I can just RELAX.

Something I'd like to get better at:

Sleep. I keep trying and failing to let myself sleep enough.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Making it to the omelet station in the nick of time before breakfast closed
2. Getting a free beach first aid kit from our on site nurse today
3. Finding out that my kid's new TKD master had taught Chuck Norris before. :)
4. Husband fixing the fish tank filter so I didn't have to touch nasty smelly stuff
5. A quiet evening of Minecraft by myself.

Looking forward to:

Ballroom dancing again. I miss it. It's been almost 6 years now since I stopped. I need to find a place to go.

Day 127

Something learned:

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

It matters less what you do, than how you do it. Success can be found in all roles, and it's up to you to choose those roles and define your success for each of those roles. When you know what you're aiming for, then it's much easier to see the path to success, though it doesn't necessarily make the path any easier. But at least you can head in the right direction.

Something I want to get better at:

Maintaining contact with my friends. Focusing on work, parenting and self-development, leaves little attention remaining for time with friends. But it's time spent together that's the glue of friendship.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Husband dropping the kid off at camp
2. The kid reading an entire book (albeit 67 pages) in an hour.
3. Our choral performance going well, despite only a week of preparation
4. Husband making dinner with the kid
5. Finding half a bar of chocolate to satisfy my cravings

Looking forward to:

Someday going back to Italy. Seeing Rome, as well as a lot of other cities.

Day 126

Something learned:

Truly accepting and loving yourself is the best defense against the world.

Watching Wil Wheaton's speech about understanding how hurtful words are a reflection of the other person and not yourself ( http://youtu.be/yMrIrYzdybw?t=1m30s ) just brings it home to me, that if your love for yourself doesn't come from inside you, then you're seeking it from outside, which leaves you vulnerable to mean words like that.

Something I want to get better at:

I want to understand art. I haven't figured out a good definition of art yet.

Today I was thankful for:

1. Getting in some Zumba time in the morning

2. Making a new mom friend at the kid's TKD class

3. Husband getting home safely

4. Husband cooking dinner

5. Finally watching the HIMYM finale, even though it was disappointing.

Looking forward to:

Hawaii this summer. Oh I can't wait.